Mother/daughter relationship

Hi,
Wow.... you can easily write a book and sure it will be a best seller.....  Here are several practical advises / observations:
1.  Don't argue with your mother. 
2.  She lives in a world of lies.
3.  You were part of that world of lies.
     (without willing).
4.  It's clear that you want to establish
     normal loving relations with your
     (half) brothers.
5.  For some unexplained reason your
     mother's husband doesn't want you
     in his (+famaly) life. 
6.  Consequently: You can't fullfil your
     wishes / desires.  Disconnect all
     relations with all of them and hope
     that something goog will occour in
     the future. 
7.  Concentrate on to your new life and
     create a warm loving family.
8.  Tell your husband the whole truth
     exactly as it is.  Don't hide from
     him even 1 single detail. 
9.  Tell him that he must be confidential 
     since it is a very sensetive issue that
     if revealed can cause much damage.
10.  You are an outstanding person !. 
God bless you !!!!!
    

Your mother has done you a terrible injustice, but nonetheless, she is your mother.  For one thing, stop lying for her.  Its not your problem anymore that she had to lie to her husband.  It never was in the first place, but certainly not now.  You COULD use that for leverage in attempting to see the kids. 

As far as telling your fiance the truth, Absolutely.  Do not let your mom's deeds mess up your future.  she messed up your childhood.  Don't give her any more control over your life.  Tell him and if he really loves you, he will want to help you and he will totally understand.  Wouldn't you rather he found out from you?  I know you are embarassed and scared, but honey, you can't pick your parents.  You didn't do anything wrong.  You were abused emotionally and a victim of your environment.    Hold you head up and make your future wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.  You deserve it.

God bless you.  You sound like a very caring and forgiving person.  Pray and God will give you the strength you need.  I promise you.

Hi Stacy,

     What a story you just told,  so sorry that you suffered emotionally for a long time because of your mother's lies.  You don't need to be a part of that.  Tell your boyfriend everything that had happened and if he loves you enough, he won't get upset because you did not fabricate the situation.  Start a new life with this man and do things differently now, no lies, everything should be done honestly.  Then you don't have to worry about anything when you tell the truth.

     With regards to your mom, never contact her again.  She has her own life to live  You need to concentrate on your own life.

     Hopefully everything will turn out OK for you.  You deserve it.  Here's wishing you a lifetime of happiness.  Take care.

For your own self preservation, I disagree with never talking to your mother. Let your mother know your door is always open to her. If Mom chooses not to talk to you, then there is little or nothing you can do about that. I do agree however, you must come clean with your husband -to -be. Ask that he never discuss this private family matter with anyone other than you. As far as lying, I would never lie for anyone, just say nothing and/or when asked, direct any and all questions of a private nature to your mom. You need to set boundries with your mother for your own sanity.

If something were to happen to your mother, you will carry the burden of guilt, for the rest of your life. So don't cut your mom out of your life. You cannot control what your mom does, you can only control what you do.

You will be fine once you institute boundries and if she never contacts you again, it will be her choice and not yours. So you will have no guilt. Your mother can never doubt your love, if you continue to show her love. But you are grown now and you have a life of your own to live. So get on with your life, be happy and set boundries with family. But don't cut family out of your life. As far as telling the kids, there will be an approprite time to do that.  Grandma and the kids will be proud of the way you handled this very private family matter. God Bless You. Your situation in  so many ways mirrors my life. My Mother has passed and I loved her, only as she would let me. I am still here, living my life, raising my kids and doing it with no regrets. Speaking of disfunctional familes. Someone  once told me that if we can do just 10% better than our parents , then we can consider ourself a sucess. I am proud of the way I dealt with my family.  I do not want to leave my children the legacy of disfunction.

P.S. I am sure the kids will be ok. Keep a positive attitude, no need to worry yourself sick about something that has not happen yet.

 My Prayers and God's Blessing for you.