lover454
(deleted account)

Moms comments to her daughter


STORY: Today Sharon (age 52 and skinny) was in a place of worship with her mom (age 81). The pew (row) in back of them was a woman was wearing a necklace (gold chain intertwined with diamonds). When Sharon and her mom turned around to see part of the service to be held in the back of the place of worship Sharon's mom said to Sharon that woman's necklace is pretty. Sharon said mom it is ok all it is just a chain. Her mom said no it isn't there are diamonds. But Sharon said it is just a chain. Her mother replied; I never admire jewelry but her necklace is beautiful. This got Sharon upset because Sharon buys beautiful jewelry at a ninety nine cent store (but the necklaces, bracelets, rings, pins don’t look like they are 99 cents they look like it could have been brought in Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor’s, etc). Then Sharon got mad and yelled (not in a loud voice) at her mother in place of worship. Sharon then said to her mom so you don't like my jewelry. Her mom said your jewelry is beautiful but you cannot compare it to the women’s necklace. Then Sharon said some nasty things outside of the place of worship to her mom (two of which was bit*h and go to h*ll) things to her mom which made her mom angrier. Sharon and her mom left the place of worship and as they were pulling up to the their house her mother said in a nasty voice today you came looking to place of worship like a skeleton, your neck is scrawny, . THEN UP at the house when Sharon dropped the whole thing her mother came into Sharon's room and said in an angry tone you have the nerve to tell me to go to h*ll at place of worship on a holiday. Your neck is scrawny, you have a fat rear end., you fat horse. They fought some more. Sharon then asked her mother about a half hour later when her came back into Sharon’s room to fight some more mom do you really think that about my rear end. Her mom replied in a angry nasty voice that she does because Sharon meant all the nasty things Sharon said to her mom so her mom was not going to change her answers. Sharon called a couple of her friends and asked did my mom mean the nasty things she said about me (rear end) and her friends said no people say nasty things they don’t mean to someone they are fighting with just to hurt them. MY QUESTION: DO YOU AGREE/CONCUR WITH SHARON’S FRIENDS AND WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHAT SHARON’S MOM SAID TO SHARON.


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7281 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi,


You are not going to like my answer.  I appologise in advance.  Several remarks:
1.  The whole story is mad.  People should come to a place of 
     worship in one purpose: To pray to be with the Lord.   
2.  When a person prays he / she should give all attention to 
     God and to the prayers (sure not to clothes, jewllery, etc).
3.  Respect for your mother is one of the 10 commandments. 
     How can one pray and not accept this commandment ?. 
     I'll rather die B4 saying such words to my mom. 
4.  I woman of 52 years old should be 10 time more 
     tolerant to her old mother.   She should thank 
     God she has a healthy mother (many don't have,
     and miss her desperately !).
5.  I can't imagine any situation I'll fight with my mom 
     and sure I won't dare saying nasty words like that. 
     She borned me, she gave me my life !.
6.  The mother's behavior is strange as well.  How can 
     a mother talk in that manner to her children ?.  Children
     are the dearest thing a parent has.  How can a parent
     treat his treasure like that ?.  I'll ratherv die B4 I speak
     that way to my children !.
I appologise again, but that's what I feel !.  Didn't mean to hurt.
Best regards,

Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
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It appears that there may be a deeper conflict between mom and daughter, it is doubtful that this incident is only about the “necklace” and the subsequent argument.   Because Sharon became so defensive, it might be that her mother has been critical of her in the past and Sharon is resentful toward her. Certainly, their disagreement was inappropriate in a place of worship, but the hurtful exchange of words would still be disrespectful no matter where it would have happened.Although Sharon was frustrated with her mom’s comments about the woman’s necklace, she was seriously out of line in calling her elderly mother nasty names and telling her to go to h*ll, especially in a public place.  Sharon needs to reflect on what is really troubling her.  Also, Sharon might be wise to explore the issue of her mom’s health at age 81.  Perhaps her mom is developing a medical condition such as Alzheimer’s, which could explain her mom making inappropriate comments and/or arguing at inappropriate times.  Sharon’s friends do have a point about people saying hurtful things they don’t mean when they are angry; however, Sharon needs to find out what is really troubling her and her mom.  Perhaps she should consider counseling for dealing with her aging mother and in coming to terms with her own resentment.  She does need to “grow up” and stop being disrespectful to her mom.


Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
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There's searching, and there's studying, and there's everything else.

The fact that this episode happened in a place of worship should not add to its gravity, but only highlight the readiness of the tension in this relationship.  I'm sure it didn't help in upsetting the mother for Susan to call her on something like that (Susan's not being complimented on her own jewelry by her own mother) in such an intimately public place.  But feelings of not receiving love from a mother (at any age) can turn into irrational and regretful episodes easily, and we need to try and be patient with one another when we recognize that our feelings (especially those feelings with a history, half-buried) are so near the surface, and so raw to being stung.

It is good when feelings come to the surface, I think, even if it is an instance of anger or even (God forbid) a willingness to hate.  What is necessary is to recognize them as meaningful, and to recognize as well that each person involved is responsible for these feelings.  But if Sharon wants to grow and turn this episode into a new day, Sharon needs to be able to understand, on an emotional as well as a thoughtful level, that her mother might not always be able to love her in the way that she thinks she needs, and that that is not her fault, and that she cannot demand that of her mother. 

Let me add this thought: we learn how to love from each other, and if we haven't been loved first, odds are we will not know how to love either.  And yet we are commanded to love (what a command!) -- even our enemies.  (Though I sincerely hope that Sharon does not see her mother as an enemy!)  


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maybe a psychologist could help


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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