To start off let me tell you a bit about my self, I was raised in a very conservative state (Utah) with very religious and closed minded parents. I have been married to my wife for 2 1\2 years and we have been together for 4 years. My sexual background is I have only had sex with 2 woman, my ex wife and my wife now. I have always had a problem with touching my penis (not sure why). I have a problem with erectile dysfunction sometimes but my main issue is premature ejaculation. The sex life with my 1st wife sucked but on the other hand I didn’t care because I was not physically or emotionally attracted to her, I didn’t have a lot of sexual interactions with her and we were only married 13 months or so. My current wife I have and still am very attracted to sexually and still have a very strong sex drive for. When we were first together we had sex like wild monkey’s every day, and I gradually got better with my premature ejaculation problem, yet it was still a problem. I was able to get her to orgasm most the time with the help of a toy (silver bullet). We also started smoking marijuana on a hourly bases which appeared to help with the PE problem. We got married had a child and we stopped smoking marijuana and I was put on anti depressants (which my parents pressured me into taking because I didn’t live the conservative life style). I was on anti depressants until a month ago, and my sex drive and PE problems got tremendously bad on anti depressants ( switched through a few of them during the time). I also felt like I was a different person on them where as before I have always been very understanding, patient, caring, and affectionate. My wife and I would always joke about me having a feminine personality. We’ll to make a long story short me and my wife gradually grew distant. About 2 months ago my wife cheated on me 2 times with a guy she went to school with. I found out and I took it emotionally pretty hard. I talked to my wife and decided to stop my anti depressants and have felt like I am mentally my self again and I have my sex drive back. I took her cheating pretty hard but it was because she felt like she had to hide it from me and was not able to approach me about it upfront and talk to me first. My wife has always had the sex drive of a man. Ha-ha. So anyways this whole time I have been trying to work it out with my wife emotionally I have secretly been turned on by what she did. We have had better sex, and I for some reason started to get the urge to be able to touch my penis during sex with her. My wife has always had a hard time expressing her feelings and thoughts and is passive aggressive. The other night I thought I would just be totally honest with her sexually and told her how I fantasies of watching her have sex with an other man, and joining in. Or even fantasying of her having sex behind my back but then telling me about it and letting it turn me on. I told her and we would roll play or fantasies about it and it would make her super horny and wet and I would be able to jack off for her and last so much longer in bed then before. We’ll the other night we were talking about it and I was trying to explain how I want to do it for real, or at least work up to it, and that I would like it as long as she was willing to be open and honest with me about anything that happened. She told me that she likes fantasying about it but doesn’t want to do it for real. I feel like she is just saying that thinking she would hurt me if she agreed were as in reality it wouldn’t hurt me at all if she was able to be open and honest about it and let it bring us both together sexually. I know she is turned on by the idea but I don’t want to pressure her into it. Why would she cheat on me behind my back and try to hide it when if she was open with me I would like her to do it and it would turn me on? Some things I have read online say that it’s a nice way of her wanting to break up with me, which I am 90% sure is not true. I am a great husband and father and honestly I am damn sexy, sex is probably the area I need the most help in. Well communication is what our relationship needs most but I can only open up and be honest, I cant make her. So what do I do from here? Do I drop the whole wanting to have a 3 sum with her\ let her cheat on me fantasy even though it turns me on? Or do I keep bringing it up to her through fantasies because it turns us both on? Plus one last thing, if she will never actually follow through with the fantasy I do not think that I would really be turned on thinking about it anymore. Where do I go from here?
