Raymond: You say they won't give you a leave or a transfer. That means it is fully in your hands as to how to deal with your situation. If my work was hell, I think I would seriously consider looking for another job. Is that a possibility? Your first move should be to find a good counselor to help you with your feelings of depression that seems to be effecting your health if I am interpreting the word "lean" correctly. The strange concentration, the side talks of your fellow workers discussing you, are things you normally would not be able to hear. Are you imagining these things or what? Depression itself should not be ignored.
I think you really need help badly. You also say you cannot control it any longer; this suggesss a point of desperation. Don't waste time. Get help now. That office is not good for you at this time. If you don't know where to start looking for help ask your doctor, ask family services, ask a mental health clinic or any hospital and tell them you must find help. I wish the best for you, Raymond.
