There is nothing wrong with you. Many of your thoughts, even if strange to you, are not abnormal for a teenager. You are carrying a lot of baggage for a 16 year old. To have lost a mother at your age is terribly traumatic; it is not as if she died when you were in adulthood. You also don't tell us about your home and why you feel so stultified. You should try to find a "big brother" or someone older with whom you can freely talk, a teacher, a clergyman or an older relative. Try to keep in mind that at your age you have your whole life ahead of you so you should try to look ahead and not behind. Life holds many unexpected opportunities and surprises. Develop your writing skills that show you have talent. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are progressing. We wish you everything good, just don't give up.