Alright, here's the skinny. Maybe I'm just the lone freak of this place, but I feel trapped. As if my home is a tightening cage I cannot escape. It's not the same wild freedom as outside. I want to leave, to start a new life under a new name, and want terribly to just leave my old life behind without a glance back. I want to forget my past failures, and I want to be someone other than me. I feel like I'm suffocating here, but I'm fine. Physically, mentally, and almost emotionally. But I feel so empty, like there's a gaping hole in my gut where something's supposed to be. I've never done drugs, or drank, or anything like that. But for the longest time, I've felt incomplete. Relationships don't help. I don't want, and probably don't need medication. But what other options does that leave me? I mean, I'm not suicidal or anything, but I wonder if death could be much worse than living with this insatiable emptiness.
I feel like I'm centuries old, even though I'm only 16. I almost feel like people are pushing me back, trying to lock me away in a cage to be left alone until I conform to the impossible contours of society. (I'm a writer, so some of this might sound a bit strange, but it's how I see it through my eyes.) I have dreams in which I amrunning away from my friends and family, as if they were trying to hurt me. I dream of my dead mother, and being a wolf, wild and free to howl as I please. I really don't believe I am crazy, but... Does ANYONE know what's wrong with me?
