Thank you for your insight. I struggle with this. He had some anger issues that he went to counseling for shortly after these incidents and stayed in it for 2 years. He says he realized in counseling that he couldn't just go out and do things that would betray me and then lie about it, and that he made a decision that he'd be a stand up guy. It bothered him greatly that he broke a prmise twice to me, because he is not the type to break promises, and usually won't make a promise if he thinks he can't keep it. The hard part is that he never came clean on his own, I had to catch him and find out through other sources that he had had the lap dances, that he gave the stripper our address and told her to write him for advice on a problem she spoke with him about that night (he was far more intimate with her than I would care for--apparently they talked and she danced for him for about two hours, which is why I think there could be more), then two months later he turned around and went to a strip club after we had fought. Then to lie about each time I have asked him and lie right to my face? He could have come clean at any time and erased all doubt. I do think most of this was in the first year of our relationship, but I also think that he owed it to himself and to me to come clean about it once he realized he screwed up. He's admitted that he avoided telling me NOT because he wanted to protect me, but because he didn't want to have to admit he was "wrong".
Thanks again for the advice. I am really struggling with whether I can trust him to keep his promises to me and if he does break them, to trust him to come clean so I don't find out years later and then we have to get over a lie AND whatever he did. Our wedding is in 4 months!