Lost trust

We keep attracting the same situations into our lives until we learn what it is that is causing this to occur.  So often, one relationship ends and it is followed by the same sort of relationship because the expectations and thought patterns have stayed the same.

It is good to have time between relationships to discover more about ourselves and what we may have learned from the prior relationship.  This can keep us from doing the same thing over and over again.  Sometimes people divorce a person just to end up marrying the same sort of person all over again and facing the same kind of problems all over again.  Or even if they marry a totally different sort of person, they can face the same problems because they keep repeating the same patterns in their own thinking and behavior.  A person needs time to digest what has happened and to gain strength finding out what they like to do in life, what brings them joy, when they are not with a partner.

If you find your own joy then you can share it with another.  But if you expect a person to be that joy, then you are laying a lot on that person.

If you become bitter about romance, you will attract even harder lessons to yourself, I think.  Of course not all people cheat...there are many long standing relationships that are solid and happy.  You may need to step back and ask yourself some questions.

Are you rushing things?  Are you possessive and therefore pushing people away? Are you anxious and always thinking the worst is going to happen...because if you are, likely it will.  Do you take the time to listen and accept the honest opinions of your significant other?  Are you honest with yourself and the other person about your feelings?

Also, not to be ageist, but if you are young, it is a good time for people to get to know themselves and sometimes that does not happen by staying together forever.  Sometimes you just end up being friends, and that is not a bad thing if that happens.  

It would be okay for me to hold hands with and hug someone I "barely know," in some circumstances, despite the fact that I am in a long-term (9-year) relationship. The same would be true for my partner (that's significant - if it's okay for one person in a relationship, but not another, the relationship is unhealthy).

It would depend on the circumstances, though. Why is it happening? Do I feel some kind of instant connection? Do I or this other person have an intense need for comfort at the time? Is my partner not available to comfort me? Is there no one available to comfort the other person? 

One of the most important questions: would everything happen exactly the same if my partner were present?  That is, if I'm comforting this other person for some reason, or feel an intense connection, would I still feel it and feel comfortable acting on it without guilt in front of my current partner? Or is it "naughty" or illicit? 

Anything that changes in front of your partner is a warning sign. If the other person were comforting me because my partner were absent, of course, that's different - but I would expect that he or she would feel comfortable hugging me and holding my hand in front of my partner, too, if that were the case, or at least until my partner took over.

Was the situation sexual? If so, is that kind of thing within the bounds of your relationship agreement? Have you made explicit agreements in your relationship, or are you working on some kind of societal default of "we're monogamous, and that's it" ? I have to say that explicit agreements are far easier to maintain than implicit ones.

No, all girls do not cheat, period. If everyone you have been involved with has verifiably been unfaithful to you, I am very worried about your choices. You are repeating hurtful patterns, rather than learning whatever it is you need to learn so that you can move on, as HappyYoga has said. I'd suggest taking some time to be by yourself and examine your past relationships for clues. How do you pick partners? What do they have in common? How can you avoid the same issues in the future?

No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you are not responsible for anyone else's infidelity, so please don't think I'm implying that you are! If you are acting honorably and your agreements with them are clear, the fact that your past partners have not honored their commitments to you is not your fault. 

I'm not sure what you mean about someone claiming to be different from other girls. Every individual is unique. Please don't carry your baggage from old relationships into new ones, but do use what you've learned from them to break old patterns. Don't be bitter. Don't be suspicious of every female because you've been involved with bad people in the past.  

Good luck to you. 

Well these all depend from person to person. Someone might be comfortable someone may not be comfortable holding hands or hugging a complete stranger. And when it comes to relationships it's again very hard to say. It again depends on the person concerned. But you can visit this

It seems that you need to really get to know the person your with before you include your heart into the relationship. If you don't know what your getting into your gonna get burned...I think that's why you have so many trust issues, relax, take it slow, and be a bit picky...why not.

I am responding to your second posting. I hope that is alright.  When I read about you mentioning the "sacrifices" you made in your relationship, I feel I have to tell you that while we do wish to give to others, we cannot lose ourselves and our own perspectives amid the demands of life and our relationships. 

When searching for a partner, it is good to look for someone who has similar interests to us.  This does not mean we are clones of one another, but that we have enough things in common that one person does not find himself doing the opposite of what he would enjoy in life.  There needs to be some common ground and balance.

One book which might help you understand this from another perspective is called "He's Just Not That Into You".  It is a best seller and pretty easy to find.  You might see what many women also put up with in life, and this is not really a problem that only happens to men. 

Also, though the book was written for women, it really points out the warning signs to look out for in a relationship.  It also points out what it is you might want to look for in a partnership.  Sometimes you need to really define the things you want in life so you can accomplish them. 

As you well know it's not just u . There are other ones out there also men and women. My question back to u is why did u stay with her for so long?! Do you enjoy the hurt and pain that u had? You dont sound to stuiped. We live in a very selfish world today people always taking and not giving back. If the person u love cannot give back to u what u give them then u are wasting your time with them. You are searching for that soul mate out there, you are a romantic at heart. So is my husband, who is 14yrs. younger than i. Trust and Respect are earned not given, how can you trust or respect someone u do not know? A true Man or true Women do not play games with other people hearts. Don't give up yet, it took me 22yrs, and a very bad 1st. marriage to find my soul mate! Don't forget people are human, dont mean their right . Another good book is Men are from Venus Women are from  Mars, It gives you very good insight in to each other.  Good Luck!

ok lets see....

1. when u barely know someone, no its not right cuz u just met that person. but if you're in a relationship,hec yea.u should rap your arms around the girl and all that stuff.

2.Not all girls. JUst certain ones. Certain ones do because not all girls cheat. Like me, i think its wrong to cheat on someone you go out with. Ive been through it and it hurts.

3.Well some could be telling the truth but you never know. Too some girls, all guys are the same because they think all guys cheat. but when they get married and die with that person,they probably regret it. So you can never tell. Like me, i usually think they are all the same but they arent. im not like other girls. i dont get in fites much. i dont like drama. and i never cheat. im commited to that relationship. so if a girl likes you alot, go with them. you never know how the relationship will go.

i hope this helps.

-Erika

p.s. just know,im 12 years old but im pretty good with love and bestfriend junk