Long distance

Hon, no one can email you without your contact information and no one can see your profile, because you're still underage.

Furthermore, I don't think it's a good idea for you to publish your contact information in a public forum. There are too many strangers who can access it, not all of whom have honorable intentions.

P.S. I'll be glad to share my thoughts on what you HAVE posted, but it'll have to wait 'til tomorrow, as I'm tied up for the remainder of today. In the meantime, I'll send your question on to a couple of friends.

Dear Frustrated11,

You say "Jane" is 18? You have no profile here on Yedda because you are too young? 

You say you only see "Jane" 5 weeks out of the year?

 Do you perhaps simply have a summer crush on Jane? 

 If Jane is 18 and as successful as you describe, she's old enough to make up her own mind as to where she'd like to work/live/go to school.

She may seem stubborn to you because she is not doing what you want her to.  Instead of asking Jane to move East, why don't you go to the West Coast and live there? Then your relationship would not have to be long distance for 4 years. 

You sound and write in a very mature way.  What is your age?

Hello, Frustrated,

  You have gotten some good advice from my friends NJoy and JKGrandma.

  As hard as it may seem to hear, I definitely agree that, while you may feel you know what is best for your friend (and, who knows, it may be the best), only she can make decisions about her future. 

  Long distance relationships have a way of being very problematic if you are expecting anything more than friendship.  From what you are saying, you are more invested in this relationship than she is.  You are not saying that there is mutual discussion of where the relationship is going or firmly grounded plans being made.  It seems like she is "doing" her life and you are doing yours.  Perhaps if might be a good idea to ask Jane where she sees the relationship going.

  I think that, while you are talking about giving out your email address, you will probably get very good advice here without having to do that.  Just keep having a dialogue with us.

  Elena

Hi Frustrated11,

I knew my friends would come through with advice for you. I have to say I agree with both of them.

You do write very well; you definitely present as someone with a lot of intelligence and insight as well as someone who has a lot on the ball. (I know you'll go far.)

That's why I'm sure you also realize there is nothing you can do to "make" Jane see things your way.

Jane's life is just that - JANE'S life. While you may be correct in your assessment of her living situation, and may also have the best intentions regarding her future and the opportunities best suited to ensure her success; what Jane chooses to do with herself is whatever she feels will be right for HER.

I think you can (and should) tell Jane how you feel. Once. And after that, you are just going to have to let it go.

Furthermore, please keep in mind that although Jane seems to be planning on completing her course of study where she now resides (instead of the college you recommend) there is nothing which says she cannot change her mind.

As you and she progress in your relationship, it is possible she may decide she WANTS to be on your side of the country, is that not so? And if she should reach that conclusion, then there is nothing to stop her from transferring and moving, correct?

Jane sounds like a resourceful young lady who knows what she wants and has a plan to achieve it.

If you have strong feelings for her, you owe it to her to support her decisions, even though her choices may not be what you would prefer.

Stop putting pressure on Jane to see it your way and tell her you'll miss her and you wish she'd consider what you have suggested - but that you'll stand behind her one hundred percent, no matter what she decides.

Then do it.

I,m joining in a little late, what great advice these ladies have shared with you. We are only capable of deciding our own destinys. If we care for someone we have to respect their choices, even when they differ from our own. Grandma is right, discuss your feelings with Jane and then stand by her decision. If she thinks your relationship is capable of sustaining through the distance she must feel deeply for you. Hang in there. If you cannot make the distance then make that decision for yourself and do what you believe is best for you. Good luck.