Lonely

Hi Pat ,  Let me quote you " I have been seeing a wonderful man we are lovers and very good friends but it can't go any further. "  What do you mean it can't go any further and if you know this why are you still with him wasting your time and why can't it go any further ?   Is he married ,  in a committed relationship with a woman , is your friendship  " Friends with Benefits " ?   Pat ,  " Lonely" is a very dangerous emontion , it all to often will lead you to the wrong person for all the wrong reasons .   Perhaps this is what is happening to you , since you seem to be attracted to the same type of Man .  One who does not want to committ to you , but as no problem having sex with you .  This is not the type of man you will find ever lasting love with .  Change your way of thinking , change your pattern what you have been doing is not working out very well for you .  Take control of your life and your actions .  No Man is going to value , cherish , respect and love you , till you value , cherish , respect and love yourself first .  You control your own destiny , no one but you .  Start now , you can make a difference in your own life .

I agree with Equus. And the first thought that came to my mind upon reading your question is the same thought Equus had: Why can't it go any further?

Pat , I did not mean to imply that you sleep around , that was not my intention. I am also a woman , I have never allowed " Lonely" to lead me in to any type of a relationship .  I have met a wonderful Man who I feel is my soul mate .    Pat , you can do the same .  Friends with Benefits ... someone always gets hurt , feels used , usually the woman .  You deserve better is all I am saying . 

So do you want more from this man? I am still unclear as to why it cannot go any further.

Is it because he is satisfied with the status quo and you would like this to be a real relationship? I agree with Equus and strongly urge you not to settle for ANY man just because you are lonely. Do not allow yourself to be used because of it, either.

Pat, not having a relationship does not mean that you have to be lonely.

Furthermore, even married people can be lonely. Loneliness has less to do with your relationship status and more to do with your sense of self. If you are lonely, find something with which to occupy yourself so that your loneliness will lessen.

Join a book club, volunteer at a homeless shelter or senior center, take a dance class.

Exercise your mind as well as your body. You are less likely to be lonely if you are actively engaging with other people on a regular basis; and an extra bonus is that you may meet an AVAILABLE man with whom you click!

Pat, it is okay to see him - IF you realize that it is only physical and you are fine with that.

If you are secretly longing for more (and that will never happen) then why torture yourself? Fill your life with things you love and appreciate and enjoy doing; the friendships and relationships will come along with that.

There is no shame in being alone and there should be no fear in loneliness. Both are far better than some of the available alternatives.