Living with your ex for the sake of your kids

i would dump him  but i would all so talk to him  to ask him what he thanks and tell him what you thank of him with a kid a round and a other girl  but good luck with him

ts,  The man is a player!  Wake up and smell the coffee, dear.  He is staying with the girlfriend and son for a reason.  BECAUSE HE WANTS TO.  He also wants to have sex with you.  He is not leaving the girlfriend and his happy home.  He has it too good.  He has her and now you too.  You say he as been very successful throughout his whole life.  He is only 24!  How long has he been working, 4 or 5 years?  Gee, what a big fantastic career!  Please run, don't walk, away from this player, and right now!  He will only use you and break your heart.  He already has a woman and a child, so what does he really need you for?  I will tell you.  You are only around for his extracurricular fun, and then he is going home to mama.  Be smart.  Dump the player before he uses you and dumps you first.

Anna Sparky's Mom

P.S.  Please do not type ummm in your answers.  It makes you look too childish and like you can't get your thoughts together.

It is possible he is being truthful with you. It is certainly not the norm, but in this poor economy, some people are choosing to co-parent and live together, yet they do have separate lives and relationships.

If you like this man and want to continue seeing him, I think it's okay to do so. I would just advise you to keep your eyes and ears open and your intuition tuned.

At some future point in your relationship, I would expect you to meet his ex as well as his child. I would also expect that you would go to their home. I wouldn't expect you to spend the night (unless his child was not at home), but there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to visit for awhile.

If that doesn't happen - and he makes excuses for why you can't come over or why he hasn't introduced you to his ex and his child - then I think you'll know the truth behind his words.

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! This is the craziest relationship excuse I've ever heard.  He wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Economy is not a reason for cheating on his roomy.  Nor is it a reason to stay together just because of a child.  Blame always seems to shift to the children.  He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and stop lying to you.  You can do better than a lying cheater with baggage.   Find a nice young man that is trustworty, and not afraid to stand on his own two feet.  Good luck!

OK - Thank you for the invite, JK. TS - It is a difficult situation. I know, because I have lived it for 10 years, now. Citrine; though it seems like the blame is being put on the child, it could be legitimate. My girlfriend was pregnant with my daughter, when we got married. I am on my third marriage, and I have 2 children; 3 stepchildren, and 5 grandchildren. My wife, and I haven't spent a full night together since our 1st anniversary; and before that, our wedding night. We haven't slept in the same bed, or room for 10 years. I stopped anything sexual with her 5 years ago; and have ABSOLUTELY no desire to change that with her. She has nothing that I want, or desire. My daughter, however, would not be here, if it wasn't for her mom; and my daughter is the center of my world, and the reason I go out, and kill myself physically at work. I came from a split marriage, and so have all my children. I wanted my daughter to have both her mom, and dad in the same place every day.

My wife, and I have different values, and wants. I am the one who has, and shows emotion - Not anger; but love, and caring. I want more in a relationship than she can ever provide. 2 years ago, my wife started seeing someone. The problem was, she chose someone that had drug issues, and didn't work. she brought him to the house, and around my children. Around other people's children too; which is how I found out about it - She watched kids at the house; and brought this man over, will the kids were there - Their parents told me! I gave the man a ride in my truck, and told him I didn't have any problem with him seeing my wife (PLEASE!!!), just don't ever do it around my children, or other people's. As far as my life, and the desire to be with someone - YES; I would LOVE that! I would love to snuggle, to share moments watching the snow out the window together, while we watch a movie; or read. Being intimate. My concern has always, and WILL always be my daughter's well-being, safety, and giving her a model for living.

There are problems, that I have found. I will speak for myself, and you can take what you want from it, ok?

Problem #1: If you have a relationship with someone, it can lead to commitment; which is as it should be. The problem with commitment is that it requires time, intimacy, and commitment. With me being here, I am spending time with my daughter. The problem that I have is she, and I are not friends; and we disagree with the house, the budget, and how to raise the kids. I have written to, and made friends with other women on sites like this, but stay away from commitment, or physical contact due to my inability to live in 2 worlds. When I give my heart, it is to 1 woman - I don't have the time, or the strength to deal with 2, or more sets of emotions. I want to be with someone completely, know them deeply. Currently; I have realized that we can't survive together, there's just too much animosity. Which, ultimately, shows my daughter that the model relationship is one of numbness, no show of affection; and parents disagreeing with each other. So, my main goal (ASAP) is to either move her out, or myself; and get the divorce finalized.

Another problem is youth. You are 21, and he is 23. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't believe you have the capacity to understand the kind of love that requires selflessness, in sharing him with others. It is hard enough being a parent at 23 (My son was born when I was 20). It's even harder being a step-parent; but right now, you are just a friend, without any of these roles. Just being a step-parent, requires the ability to accept the child as your own, and make the same commitment.

Personally, this is quite a situation. One that requires a lot of thought. Can you share? Can you trust, and have faith? I'll promise you this - If you can't trust; don't ever make a major commitment. Even if nothing ever happens, you will ruin it yourself.

Will I move on to someone else? Yes. but we will be friends; first, and foremost. I have friends that are the perfect models for who I would like for my life, and my heart. Knowing them as friends, I will also know little things about them first; like: "I live with my ex, and I have a son".

My friends; those who I keep close, and treat as family know pretty much everything about me. There are very few things that I don't tell everyone - I live better in the light. So - I am in your situation, but not; and I believe at this point, that it will better my daughter to have a more structured, and loving environment. If her mom, and I could get along as friends, I would more than likely stay her, celibate; until she was 18. My daughter (And his son) are the first commitment; and one that never goes away.

Good luck with this, TS -

Doug (AKA: Chucho)

ts,

It's a matter of personal preference/choice for you, what you believe and what your heart can handle, but I would check out other available young men.  Why limit yourself so young?  Have you completed your college education and do you have your own life in order?

I like to protect myself from getting in the middle of someone else's affairs, not to mention it would go against my religious beliefs to put myself in that type of situation.  Also, I would want to sit down and talk with the ex girlfriend to get both sides of the story, if you haven't already discussed things with her.

Relationships can be very complicated.  If you are seeking stability, find it within yourself first.  After you have done that, then seek a best friend for life and I think you will be happy as long as you work hard at it.  Good luck!

Blessings,

~ nmpb ~