My husband has lunch with a co-worker every time I am out of town on business. And when we all are having lunch together, he makes a point to sit beside her or directly in front of her. He swears they are just friends
A healthy relationship starts with trust and honesty and a big warm genuine smile.
I couldn't disagree with BFrank anymore. I'd suggest ignoring his post.
I would advise speaking directly with your husband about your concerns. Be specific and polite, but make sure to explain exactly how you are feeling. If you trust him, tell him so. In a non-aggressive manner, ask him how he'd feel if the roles were reversed and see his reaction. It's possible he's not aware of his behavior and how it's affecting you. If after explaining to him how you feel and you both cannot come up with a solution to put your nerves at ease, I think it may be a good idea to seek out marriage counseling. A counselor, who has no vested interest in either party, may be able to shed some light on the situation and help you and your husband communicate more effectively so that if you are out of town, you'll feel more secure in your relationship, whether he goes out to lunch or not with his co-worker.
It looks like he is hosing her. Try the direct approach and ask him if he is slipping her the tickle-pickle. If you cannot manage to ask him, then go to her. Ask her what she thinks of his love missle.
Thank you for your reply, relationshipGuru. I spoke with my husband several times about his behavior, but he does see it being a problem. I also asked him how would he feel if I did the same thing and he did not have an answer. After being confronted, he would say that I am either too sensitive or jealous. I guess the next step would be to seek out a marriage counselor, if he would agree to it.
Great advise, be aware that in many cases our minds tend to trick us into thoughts caused by intense feelings. Your husband might just have a good friend co worker that you should not have anything to worry about. Like said before relax you are probably filling your head with thoughts that will just make you feel out of control. Let him know how you are feeling yet respect his privacy. Sometimes a married person needs a private non intimate relationship where they feel unattached , nothing wrong in that!
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To get what you've never had, you have to do things you've never done.
PULEASSE GUYS enough with the trust speech! After you've asked him about this and told him that you were uncomfortable with their lunches. What I would do is, I'd pay a lot of attention to them when we are all together. If you don't feel like you are getting an honest answer from him then stop asking.
People tend to hang themselves. If there is something going on, you will find out by playing it cool. He or she will think they are under the radar and give themselves away. Look out for footsie under the table. Or, her hand on his leg. I was one of those chicks (as much as I hate to admit it) and I would always try to get away with something when the girlfriend was around and not paying attention. I would do a quick wink or I would have a look in my eyes that he understands (if you know what I mean!)Chances are, the way she looks at him when you are looking at her and the way she looks at him when you aren't paying attention will be noticeable. She will be the one looking at your man like she has a secret. If you don't notice any flirtatious sneekiness going on, you have to let it go and trust him on this. If he is cheating now, he will do it again- and he will hang himself.I am not saying he is cheating, I am just telling you to be aware of what's going on around you. If he didn't want you to be suspicious, he'd stop going to lunch with her while you are out of town.
I have a best friend who is a guy and I am sure his wife thinks I want him. We talk on the phone about once a week and we go out together very rarely. I know this is due to her being uncomfortable with our friendship. She is smart, she is nothing but sweet to me when we see each other; at the same time, she has that look that lets me know she is waiting on me to screw up. Of course, I never have because it is a platonic relationship and there's nothing to screw up.
Oh yeah, and a zebra is a horse in pajamas. Looks like he is playing both sides of the fence. Don't worry, one day he will slip up, they always do. Men are strange folks, we always look for something better, even tho we already have the best
Just give it time, it will all come out. Good luck and God bless.
Ken
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