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Infertitity taking a toll on my marraige

Unable to concieve for almost 2 years and it is starting to take a toll on my marraige. My husband has asked me to take another month off of fertility drugs because he doesn't feel like I love him enough to keep trying and that it is all about having a baby and I want to just continue up till IUI and if that doesn't work move on with my life. I'm scared if I take a month off for him that I will hold it against him for causing even more hurt than there already is. I took last month off hoping it would be a nice break, but I felt even worse. How can I keep my marraige a float? How can I pretent I'm not in this much pain?


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2347 thumbs up

Don't let the sun go down on me.

Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.

Last question first. Do not hide your pain. It is real. Your husband should be your first and best line of defense. Yell, cry, scream, whatever. Keeping this inside and acting like it is not there will eat you alive and push into actions that will truly be bad for your relationship.

Children are a gift from GOD. He could be delaying conception for a reason. It could be that you are meant to be a foster parent and will never have a child of your own. You may find out what the reasons are while you are here on earth; or you may not find these out until you are in heaven.

I truly hope that you do conceive and bring forth a healty child in the near future. HOWEVER children are not the foundation of a marriage. I strongly urge you and you husband to see a counselor to work thru this issue.

GOD bless you. Shalom.

JayR


Posted 2 months ago ( permalink )
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2020 thumbs up

I like smoke and lightning ~ Heavy metal thunder!

Racin' with the wind ~ And the feelin' that I'm under!

 ~ Steppenotter ~

Kecker~

I can't tell you how many women I know that worked and worked at conception, went through all the hormonal tortures, and the implantation of embryos, who finally after giving up, conceived a child soon afterward.  You are trying too hard to make something happen now, that might not be meant to happen now.  Sex is supposed to be fun, and the child conceived in love.  Relax!!  You need to decide which is more important to you ~ having a child, or having a happy marriage.  If you love your husband, then you have to stop, relax, and begin to actually enjoy intimacy again.  I know that is easier said than done, but you are stressing your body in very unnatural ways, so it isn't cooperating.  Slow things down, enjoy the world you have with your husband, and a baby will come.


Posted 2 months ago ( permalink )
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See what happens is I work in a tiny little office with a girl my age.  We have a lot in common.  We both had a child in our teens and are now recently married.  She decided to start trying to concieve after my husband and I had been trying for 1 1/2 years.  I was so scared that day would come and it did, only sooner than I thought.  They tried for one month and bam it happened.  When she first got a negative result they decided it wasn't the right time and to wait another year, but the result was a false negative and she was.  I had to take the next day off because I couldn't face her.  Now she is six months and her belly is growing.  She complains all the time about it. 

My Mom got diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago and just finished Chemo.  I am very close to her and took it kind of hard. 

When you ask if I hide my pain my answer would be most f the time becuse that is all my husband can seem to handle.  He gets sick of talking about it because he doesn't think about it like i do. 

Lately I have to put a smile on my face at work al day and listen to comments about the baby kicking and what to name it, and I smile to show my Mom I am strong and she just needs to worry about herself getting better and not me.  By the end of the day I get home and give my 12 year old son what feels like the rest that I have.  If there is tension between me and my husband I finally turn myself off because I just don't have the strength.  It then never gets fixed.  My husban and I have been seeing a counselor, but don't seem to talk about it enough.  We are going to now, but he wants me to see the counselor alone. 

I cry a lot.  I don't understand why I want this so bad and I just wish I felt I had more of a support system at home. 


Posted 2 months ago ( permalink )
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2347 thumbs up

Don't let the sun go down on me.

Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.

I spoke of not hiding your pain. Skitch has given you wonderful advice.

The concept of being emotionally honest, is that when you open yourself up about what is going on, you help remove the stronghold that problems and issues have over you and move yourself toward healing. I was not advocating a trip to the BMW place, nor enthroning yourself on the pity pot.

You say that you and your husband are going to a couselor but are not talking about this. What's up with that?

If  you went to a restaurant when you were hungry, would you not order something to eat? And when the food came and you chose not to eat, would you go ahead and pay? This is what is going on with your counseling at present.

The purpose in going to a couselor is not to look good, it is to become healthier.

JayR


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