Leena,

It sounds as if the very first thing you should do is open up communications with your husband.  All of the secrecy will not help either of you to form and keep a loving relationship.  There are professionals that can help you begin.  If your husband is not willing to try couples therapy, you would do well to begin on your own. Much of sex and happiness is based on true intimacy. "Intimacy" is not necessarily a physical thing, but more of communications on a deep level.  This intimate, trusting relationship is vital in a marital relationship. 

Start by opening up conversations.  Seek marital/couples therapy. I wish you well. Asking for help is a great beginning!