Husband masterbates while I'm around.

Well, a revelation revealed itself about a weekend ago. What I thought was our marriage moving up a level (sexually) has to do with him watching porn and masterbating. I believed that I was opening up more sexually but under a false pretense that I thought was doing this on my own accord.

After going through what I thought were random irrational episodes for no apparent reason really was my gut instinct telling me something is still very wrong. It was a culmination of observations. I ended up finding other e-mail addresses under different names with porn updates. As -I get- is part of the fantasy to be unrecognizable yet matched to others by specified criteria. Unfortunate for me, I found a log-in ID for one of the sites with "2005" in it. A huge clue that this has been going on for some time now. He confirmed. It hit me hard. He and I have talked and are still talking this through. I have been asking questions and I believe he is giving me the truth as I have nothing to confirm otherwise. He shut down the other e-mail addresses. Believe me, I am smart enough to know how to find them and change the passwords. When he called and asked if I changed the password, I said yes. If you'd like it so you can delete the account I have changed the password to: iamstupid. He said he deserved that. He also divulged that this is a huge weight off his shoulders. He didn't know how to tell me that this was going on. I understand that but I'm not going to try to fix it. 

I told him how this makes me feel. How it is inappropriate for me and our child to be home and/or awake when this goes on. I let him know that these "events" are not always as discreet as he thinks they are. I do know what is going on so you can throw denial out the door. He suggested an internet program (as it will be necessary as our child gets on the computer more) as well as therapy if  necessary. We both agree that this is going to take time and regaining of trust.

In some ways I'm thankful that this only takes place at home. Its visual and personal stimulation that needs some control. And that there is an awareness of the problem. If it can't be worked out on its own then therapy is an option.

Of course, I asked the question if he had pursued any of the "matches" (stepped outside the marriage) and he said that this is only a visual fantasy. I let him know that this is what may have started as but what happens when the ego-boosting e-mail updates aren't enough or I become "not enough". Would you take it a step further. He said no. It was sincere. I let him know that our child does not deserve to be put through anything that would make him (or myself) uncomfortable. If staying together is not the right thing then so be it.

I believe in my heart that he is telling me the truth. I have seen some changes already such as more interest in what the "family" has planned as opposed to "you go ahead...". I told him I'm not going to be a babysitter and this is something he will have to address. I'm not the therapist but an understanding wife willing to stay in this (soon-to-be) 18 year marriage. If therapy becomes necessary then he can begin sessions and I will join when its comfortable for both of us.

Thanks to those of you who attempted to answer my question(s). It made me think and pursue.