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Husband, Boyfriend, New baby, HOW DO I CHOOSE?

I separated from husband last year. Started seeing boyfriend in February. He moved in immediately. Found out in April I was pregnant. My husband used to beat me and verbally abuse me but swears he has changed and wants nothing more than to be a family again. We have 2 kids together (1 not biologically his but he IS her daddy). I tried twice before to leave boyfriend and go back to him before I was pregnant but I loved boyfriend too much and went back to boyfriend. Then husband filed for full custody of kids and I got scared so told him I would leave my boyfriend and go back with him but I was pregnant. He said okay, we'll tell boyfriend I had miscarriage, then move away and have the baby as "ours". But I just can't bring myself to tell my boyfriend that his baby died. I love my boyfriend more but I'm scared of losing my kids. I am a super big time people pleaser and feel like I don't know what to do because I don't want anyone to get hurt. My boyfriend loves me to death and I've been trying to push him away (even though I love him) and he is fighting to death for me. He loves me and the children and our life that we have together and would do anything to make me happy. And I feel like the husband will too but I just have all these resentment feelings towards him for all the things he has done to me in the past 10 years. Do I tell husband that it's over? I already filed for divorce which is why he filed for custody of the kids. Or do I save my marriage and try to get over the boyfriend? If I am supposed to save my marriage, what do I tell the boyfriend about the baby? There is no way I can save my marriage and then have to see my boyfriend every other weekend to give him the baby. I just love him way too much.


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Turn off the television and teach your children how to think.

_______________________________________________

*I do not read or write anything in the "Comments" section.*

 

You need to step back from all of this and focus on what is best for you and your existing children.

At the same time, I think you should IMMEDIATELY begin therapy with a qualified professional; you have far too many issues for me to make anything resembling a simple (and sane) answer.

You are in a big mess and it is not going to be easy to get out of it. Whichever way you end up, someone is going to get hurt.

Do the right thing and make sure it is not your children.

Posted 2009-05-02T04:31:42Z
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Be Blessed.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (Love), I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vauneth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seekth not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is (Love) charity.  

momma,

If your husband was abusive and beat you before, unless he has gotten professional help, he will do it again. Yes, he is really nice at the present time because the two of you are not together; but what happens a year or two down the road, when you give up this man that really loves you, for someone who you know will abuse you again?

He is already showing the dark side by filing for custody. He knows that you will get scared of losing your kids and choose to go with him instead of your boyfriend. That's a form of control. What man would suggest that you tell another man that his child died?

Don't you think your boyfriend has as much right to see his child as your husband has a right to see his? What you need to do is to start thinking about your happiness, and who would make a better husband. You need to stop being scared that he is going to take your children away and think logically. Get you a good lawyer and fight him. Stop letting him intimidate you. He knows which buttons to push because he knows how you are.

Never let anyone force you to live with them out of fear. Fight for your children, your boyfriend and your unborn child. He cannot take your children without proving you to be unfit. Get a good lawyer and fight for your life. Your boyfriend is fighting, now it is time for you to get some balls and fight too.

Be Blessed and good luck

Posted 2009-05-02T05:19:36Z
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