I have a question that is so deep, and so serious, that it will require a good bit of reading my words, just to answer the question. . .
What am I lacking in my faith towards Our Lord God?
To all of my brothers in Christ, please I humbly ask you for only one thing, just a few moments of your time. Notice when the letter below was written while trying to gain some understanding of who I am in the eyes of God that sees all things. And then consider the time that has passed to the present which reflects in an amplified way one of the many difficulties within my life as your reading these words. For us all to survive in pleasing our Father, we must without question have the love of Christ buried very deep within our own hearts, because without that love, in the eyes of God, we are as nothing. As many times as I have shared words directly from God that no one seems to hear, it sorrows me greatly enough to pray for you all.
I do thank you from my heart for your time.
2008-02-06
Often in our lives filled with meditation, Bible studies, faith, prayer, fasts, hopes, and needs, their still remains very many difficulties in our lives. Difficulties such as walls, stumbling blocks, coldness, being totally ignored, and lack of any genuine care from those that are to be true and genuine brothers in Christ because they live by every word of God, or do they? In 1 John 4:8 “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” Our genuine faith accepts whatever comes along because only God could give us the strength to endure the many hurts and hardships. For eight years now I have been reading the Trumpet, Royal Vision, True Education, booklets, and all of the writings of Herbert Armstrong. For well over a year now I have been writing letters as email to the PCG. I have put much time and much detail into my words, details of scriptures that fit them and myself perfectly, and still no replies. Why? God has been showing me the answer to that question. For eight years I have been spreading written words from many Trumpet articles, for eight years I have been faithfully telling people all over the word about God’s only true end time church. For eight years now I also have been spreading their booklets everywhere, including many in Iraq. For eight years now I have been stating the words very clearly that all of the PCG literature is of the highest quality, written according to prophecy, has nothing for sale, and is offered free. To me, that seems to say it all. Free! No advertisements! No tapes or videos full of false teachings with a price because they are for sale. Then in addition, there is the “Key of David” which can be viewed all around the world. I could speak near endlessly of all the godly attributes that the Philadelphia Church of God possesses, especially when it comes to Herbert Armstrong who restored all things. When I first heard of the PCG in 1999, I went to Atlanta to just hear Gerald Flurry. It was there that for the first time I learned of just who Israel is, (birthright) and God’s Holy Days rather than the pagan days that have deceived all mankind other than those who God has called and revealed many truths to. I had 7 years of private studies that never clearly taught me so much pure truth such as the PCG did without question. My mind was very open to genuine truths simply because I had never in my life been a church member, therefore I was very teachable, and always will be through prayer.
What I have written thus far is because I do just as God says. “In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths”.
In one of my past emails to PCG that was directed to anyone whom would read it, I stated that I saw some darkness within. In one of the many PCG writings the words state that the PCG is very careful in choosing its ministers. If that is true, why am I treated as non existent? I have prayed for Pedrito Cara, I also have prayed very much for Greg Nice. My prayers also have been directed to who ever has read my many words that were emailed to letters@theTrumpet. The last one that I wrote gave me some mental comfort simply because of the many names it was addressed to. Yet there was no meaning or reply from who read it. Why?
All things are for a purpose when God is our life. His purpose for years has been teaching me through experiences about various churches, various brethren, and various situations in many lives. What God has brought most deeply into my mind is what He looks at most in man, and its called the heart.
About me;
I want nothing to do with this world. I think of Peter, and how he wanted to be crucified upside down because he was not of worth to die the same way Jesus Christ did. I think about Paul, and all that he was put through including being stoned and left for dead. My mind looks into the uncountable shinning stars at night, and only sees God’s beautiful creation as a part of His never ending kingdom soon to come in the beginning stages of growth with God’s chosen firstfruits as a part of His government. I think always of the hundreds of thousands or millions of martyrs that were willing to die for Christ, I also consider myself no better then them. All that I need and desire is for God to lead me one step at a time according to His will and not my own. Yet, no matter who I write, or what I say, I have not one single friend and brother in Christ. God is light, and in Him is no darkness. I have not found any charity whatsoever within the PCG. Because without charity they as are nothing [1 Cor. 13:2], and God will not protect them during the great tribulation; neither will he have a place for any such in His government. I consider myself different than all the Philadelphians in this one way . . . . I am willing to suffer and die just for God in the great tribulation. I understand God, I understand God’s character, I understand God’s government and laws, His ways, and His perfection. I could be just like all the Philadelphians, only caring about being in a place of protection, rather than having much love for others, while being how God expects us to be. Good people, young and old, that just have no idea at all of what is going to happening to them because of the religious deception that God warns about in their Bibles that are not deeply studied by them as God commands.! I want to be with them as one of the few that can try to comfort their hearts as to the sad realities that are going to lead to their deaths or captivity in a foreign land. Jeremiah vomited at the sickening vision of human suffering, and so do I in my thoughts of what it will be like. Yet, who am I that deservers so much better that so many multi millions of innocent human beings that have just never been taught any truths?
My Current Situation in Life;
The majority of each 24 hour day is always the same. Meditation, reading, and coming before God’s throne on my knees with very detailed prayers for many others including myself and Mylene also. I understand and believe without any question or doubt that God is answering all of my prayers. But . . . in His own way. . . .and in His own time. Much of my time past has been copying and pasting Trumpet articles. Now my time has turned to doing the same, but with another called The Restored Church of God. In the past two weeks I feel as I have learned more through their books and writings than all of the 8 years of the reading the Trumpet and Royal Vision combined. Why? God’s Lead is why. I also wrote one letter to them and emailed it. That was a week ago and I still have had no reply. I am nothing but a man on the outside trying with all of my heart to be on the inside of God’s only true end time church. I am just searching for which splinter it is. My visa is 6 months overdue. There is no work here in the Philippines. I have hundreds of job requests via my resume all over the world. God brought me here on a one way ticket 15 months ago and has kept a roof over my head and something to eat. God also brought me and Mylene together. She was 34 when we met, still pure and untouched. She has true faith and prays. She knows not the things that God has allowed me to understand, yet God has still been answering her prayers over the last 8 years. One of her prayers was to marry a foreigner; another was for her college BD, and many other needs. I am the man that she prayed for, yet we have not had the funds even for a very simple marriage that would please God. We both want only to do those things that please God, yet we were both very lonely and needed each other. I need God, I need a church, I need brothers in Christ, I need God to plan my every step and my every word. My eyes hurt because of all my reading without proper glasses. My teeth need fillings and crowns, I need more reading materials. I need my own small home here in the Philippines so that I can have my own private place to stay in conversation with God in prayers day and night. My life is God’s life to do with as He pleases. I am hungry. I am only human with just the lowest of human needs. Here in the Philippines a nice home can be built for ten thousand dollars. Or if God wants me back in the USA, so be it. That is not what I want, yet, I am here to do His will, and not my own. That is the mind of Christ working within me.
God’s end time church always needs someone faithful and true with intelligence in His words along with many of life’s experiences. I have been called a pastor and a missionary, yet am neither. My religion is the Word of God which I have been absorbing for approximately 15 years now, and always alone. My greatest possession is my King James Bible that is coming apart in the binding, and I have not even a way to repair my greatest and most needed and depended on possession, I have told the PCG, and the RCG, yet neither of them seem to care about me, my bible, or my life’s circumstance. That’s charity?
For all that I know, these words just like all others will be totally disregarded, then again, perhaps not. Only God knows the outcome of all things. God also knows our hearts and every thought. . . . “for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed (I Samuel 2:3).
Jeff in Negros Oriental, Philippines
