Help with a troubled teenager

How do I deal with a step daughter that uses drugs, manipulates her father and wants to come and go from our home as she pleases. She does not want to go to school, we have offered and she does not want to work. She is happy staying where she can for free and having her boyfriend stay with her while we are at work. I do not agree. Any answers??? HELP!

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dogbreeder
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Live simply, love generously, care deeply,

speak kindly, leave the rest to God.

You don't have to have her at your house.  She needs to be referred to a Social worker in your city and they can place her in a Foster Home.  Don't let her ruin your married life.  It is not even easy dealing with a stepchild who does not have that kind of problem.
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HypnoFreak
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regret is full of missed opportunities.......

This is a very tough question.

there are so many questions within the question...

  • how old is she?
  • what are the drugs she is taking?
  • what control does she have over the father?
  • what is your relationship like with the daughter?

so on and so on, i think at this stage you should write down the things you feel needs to change (for yourself to see no one else) and put them in order of priority, asking her to stop bringing her BF round, stop the drugs, go to school etc etc will make her rebel more, take each step at a time. what is the main problem?

try to talk more with the daughter and father, and i mean talk! not moan, shout, argue etc talk. in a calm manner try to put across your feelings, and if they respond with reasons for their actions listen, no matter how silly you think their reason are listen....

and once you can start to explain and communicate your feelings and emotions correctly this will be an amazing start.

i have a strong feeling your house does not communicate, that one person enters the other leaves, you will not improve anything like this, or by argueing.

it sound like their are a lot of underlying symtoms to why

  • why she is taking drugs
  • why she won't go to school
  • why she will not listen to you

untill you can understand these and start talking, then the problem will never improve.

good luck
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deleted4
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Your step daughter does not want help.  You need help to deal with the problems of drug addiction.  Check your local newspaper etc., for programs for parents of children on drugs.  Even if your husband does not support you, go and learn of the many ways to handle your situation and receive support for yourself.  Share what you learn with your husband and perhaps he will join the group.  Then the two of you can get control of your life and your house while helping your step daughter as well.  You'll soon find out your not in this alone and will get the support to help you make necessary changes to gain control of your house, family and marrage.
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startagic
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in ya face

well im a teenager myself i get depressed by my mum so maybe u need to back off a bit and stop being so protective but make her aware drugs can be dangerous just sit down talk to her dont shout at her it will only make things worse.
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I need to add that this teenager is 18 and we have tried unsuccessfully to help her but it seems the more help we give the more we are walked on and unrespected.  We do not want to see her go down the bad road that her biological mother has taken and introduced her to.  But it seems every time we take her in her mother starts calling and she leaves to "party" with her.  Are we wrong to not allow her to come and go from our home (which I have two young children of my own)?  She tells people we are not cool like her mom is.  We have rules and her mom doesn't.  The last time she come to stay we insisted that she get a job if she did not want to go to college.  She dispised us for that.  She says this is the time in her life to party, not work or go to school.  She did finally get her GED while in rehab.  They also offered to assist her in college and an apartment and a vehicle if she would go to college and she refused violently.  It's hard to keep a family together under these conditions.  My husband and I argue over these things alot.  He says she just needs our help and we should leave her alone as far as not having people over while we are working and letting her go out until early morning hours, but I disagree.  If I am wrong I need to change, but I had these same rules as long as I lived under my mom and dad's roof and they fed and clothed me.  I would appreciate any more help anyone has to offer.

Oh, someone ask about the drugs she has been on:  heroin, crack, pot, cocaine, pills, etc.
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