Help me save my marriage, please!

Hi,

I agree with Oron that you need to seek out counseling, if not for you both, than at least for yourself. That is the first step in trying to save your marrige. But you must also take into consideration that since your husband is in the military (is he on active duty?) that circumstances may constrict what his schedule is. If you don't mind my asking, what are you two generally arguing about?

OK, rather than wonder whether you should have gotten married and should have had a child let's look at the current situation: you *are* married and you *do* have a child.  With your husband having been gone for the first part of your marriage, there is always the issue of establishing new routines once he has returned,  Alll military families have these problems.  In addition, you are, functionally, in the first year of your marriage, a time of adjustments to one another complicated by the presence of a baby that has its own needs.  I also assume that if he is in the military, you may not be living near your family which would proide some support.  All of those factors combined with your age MAKES things look very difficult at this point.  It is possible to get a start on counseling by scheduling an appointment with a chaplain.  He/she will listen and give you some direction in terms of finding help.  He/she may provide it him/herself or may have other ideas as to where you can turn.  Your marriage is not doomed; you just need someone to help you get your bearings and to figure out what kind of help you need.

Dr. Rona Michelson, marriage and family therapist

First, you having your baby with him is not the reason these problems are prevalent. Just being young and being away- especially within the first years of marriage is going to be trying for anyone! Those years are going to be filled with arguements and tears! If you love him and he loves you (and make sure you both feel the same) then it is possible to make it through this.

Secondly, you have to ask yourself and he needs to think also about whether you both are the kind of people who can make a long distance love strong? I am not that person. Sometimes being honest with yourself is important. If you can and if he can then you both need to focus and try harder. If you feel ignored by him or that he wont listen to your concerns then maybe he doesnt love you to the same degree at which you do.

Marriage is sacrifice and if one is willing to go to counceling and the other isnt, then its not meant to be. Thats tough! no one wants to "give up". But my momma always told me, "Girl, you have to learn how to pick your battles, fold your cards, and swallow that lump of pride thats sitting at the top of your throat."

Good luck! 

Your marriage has an extremely slim chance of survival.  An open discussion is important.  I would suggest having it with another couple rather than at a counselor.  Be patient and loving.  No yelling!  No manipulation!  No guilt trips!

http://www.ehow.com/how_4552194_avoid-divorce-save-marriage.html
How to Avoid Divorce and Save your Marriage
Due to the busy lifestyle, romance is on hold. Slowly the relationship drifts apart and frustration and a feeling of rejection steps up to the plate. When this happens, you may think that divorce is the only way out. Studies show that most marriages end within the three years. Divorce may be the easy way out of frustrating relationship, but staying married is worth the effort. This article will help you to avoid divorce and save your marriage.
My marriage came close to ending a few years back.  This article was written based on my personal experience.  I hope that it will help you.

I think that you need to ask him what he thinks the problem is. I know that this isnt for everyone but it helps me in my relationship and I am also 18 and my boyfriend is 20 we have been together 2 and a half years strong. We do NOt fight simply because I do not argue with him. I believe that if you married somone then you must trust them right? Do you trust your husband enough to do anything for him and believe that he will not lead you in the wrong direction? The case with my relationship and the reason we are working and it helps a LOT of other couples is that I submit to him and the fact that he is a man and requires a women who will love and support him in anything and everything. I trust that everything he does is for a good reason, if I didnt, I wouldnt be with him. With that said- Im not saying that this will work for you but its worked for me and many others is that you just listen to him, try not to argue with him.. see what HE WANTS for a change. Put him first. Try everything you can to make him happy and in return he will notice and want to make you happy. In my relationship I cater to my man because I love him and want to keep him. I dont want to lose him and I also want him to stay happy. A thing that helps this is (dont judge) but when I do argue or we start to get shaky and I get bratty he spanks me. This is also common although a lot of people judge. It helps keep our relationship strong and us both happy and NO arguments. Like I said it may not work for you. But if you want to save your marriage it might be the right thing. It may work it may not. Talk to him about it and see what HE WANTS from YOU. What will make him happy and keep your marriage strong. Put your guard down, give him control and just listen to him, submit to him. Let him be the man. It will change a lot.

I was married at the age of 16 and my husband was 18 at the time. Had a baby when I had just turn 19 years of age and was married for 15 years. It is rough at any age no matter how old or how young. Your baby has nothing to do with this problem, all it needs is the love of both parents and to be brought up in a God fearing home. Know that God is the answer, and the only hope you have at any age this day and time. Remember this, that if one door shuts God will open another if you are trusting in him.