Help with family situation, I am dead inside.

I think it is always hard to understand that your parents need to feel appreciated or that they might want some sort of compensation for a service such has babysitting. More so for something that was offered on such conditions has you stated. I am currently in a simular situation but I am the child who's mother wants to watch my children. I have three young children and my wife is returning to work and my mother wants to watch the children. Where I live we can receive government funded daycare that we pay $7 a day per child. The condition we set was six months to allow enough time for three spots to open. I was the one who stipulated the condition to avoid this sort of situation. I am sure that your daughter would understand your position if you laid it out on the table exactly has you presented it to us. The only thing is it might take time for her to understand your side because no child wants to be accused of taking advantage of their parents.

I think that you might have taken the hiring of a babysitter a little harsh. Do you think she might want to hire a babysitter the re-leave you of this obligation and they might have realized they are over using your kind offer. Has far as giving you money or compensating such has cigarettes, I think all of us children tend to over us/under appreciate our parents. I think that if I was in your situation my biggest fustration wouldn't be the willingness to pay someone else for what I was doing but the fact that someone else would be caring for my grandchild. Seeing has you spend so much time with the baby I believe you somewhat would feel that way. The payment makes it worse because you were offering a free service and it's like a double slap in the face.

I think your biggest task won't be to explain your side but to apologies for the way you reacted on Sunday. In the end I think to re-leave your inner hurt you need to do just that apologies for your reaction and maybe interpret the babysitter has a courtesy for your time.

That's just my interpretation I could very well be wrong but my interpretation is what you wanted by posting so God bless and good luck.

Daniel

You are not alone in this. What they were doing is taking you for granted... because you are Grandma... I have the same issue, my daughter calls and wants to come and stay for a few days with my grandson, when she gets here she says... oh I never get out, and leaves for the whole night with her friends and comes home when she pleases. I let it go because she doesnt do it every weekend. It upsets me because I thought she was coming to see me, and spent sometime together. We get in huge fights, and she leaves mad . But at times you feel, hurt, used, and they just treat you like you are worthless. Let them hire a sitter, why shouldnt they have to pay? You shouldnt have to do it everyday, unless you want to. If it wasnt for you, they would have been paying someone along time ago.. Yes, they go out buy, stuff they should not, but they are doing it because they know, they can. You need to tell them how you feel, and if they get mad, leave, and get  a sitter, so be it. Seems to me, they have no or little respect for you. They saw a good thing and they just pushed it.   You have every right to feel the way you do. I understand you probably dont want to ask for money from them to watch your grandbaby, but you know a sitter isnt cheap, and who can you trust these days? I feel they just thought ...well. Grandama will do it, and we can do what we want to. You need to talk with them, and tell them how you feel, I am sure perhaps you need a break from watching a child, it isnt easy, like when we were younger, and I think that is what my daughter doesnt understand. Shes 19 with a 18 month old, and I have told her, I get tired and she says oh, stop, its fine. I tell her, well you wait 20 years and you will see. This happens in alot of families, and grandparents watching and raising there grandbabies. You need to take a stand, and dont feel bad about it. perhaps, they can get some state help to where they pay a small amount for day care. Then you can see your grandson, and enjoy him, without feeling used and under pressure. Maybe just watch him part time. I am sure you had every right to have that melt down, a person can only be pushed so far.You will all calm down and it will work out, just talk to them, and stand your ground, that doesnt mean you dont care or love them, that is telling them that you do, and you want it back in return.

Teresa,  I have been there and done that.  The pain does lessen in time, and you don't know what is going to happen in future.  You must take care of your mental/physical health, because you will have that baby back someday.  In the meantime, join a grandparent support group, you have no idea how much good they have been for me.  Keep yourself busy working on legal issues such as "grandparents rights", etc.  It helps tremendously.  Good luck to you.  Jollijude

Dont feel so bad .your hurt will pass.I suppose they have taken you for granted.It always the same when your parents are minding your kids.Really you should have asked for money straight up.It does nt mean you dont love your grandchild, but its nice to be appreiated. Dont worry things will change just give it time.take up something  new to get your mind off it

teresa im very sorry about your situation  im a grandma to  and i cant emagine how i would feel if my son did that to me  the thing is you were both wrong first you should of talked to your daughter about babysitting and how you wanted the arrangment to go just assuming she was going to pay you in some respect was just what it was assuming. and your daughter is taking advantage of you by assuming your the grandma you shouldnt get payed for babysitting all the time.your daughter is being very irrisponsable and imature . my gut is telling me that you should send her a loving letter explaining how much you miss your grandchild and you are sorry for the fight dont go into blame because she isnt mature enough to grasp the fact that she was wrong  ask her if you could please have the baby once aweek maybe a weekend day even if they have nowhere to go make it seem like your doing a favor for them no payment required . really terasa you have raised your children and grandparents are for spoiling the child and then giving them back. enjoy your time with your grandbaby and then enjoy your freedom dont let this change the goodness in you one day you will get an applogy from your daughter it might take awhile but when she runs out of using people shell have to pay someone life isnt free.... good luck

Hi,

    Your daughter has taken you for granted.  She thought that since you are the grandmother, you won't ask for any payment for your services.  Just talk to your daughter that you were willing to care for the child as long as you will be compensated a small amount of money so you can buy some necessities. 

    But now that she has lost her job, then she could care for her baby.  I guess you just have to forgive your daughter for taking you for granted.  You can find someone who needs a babysitter and just work for them.  It's difficult to do business with relatives.

   Just try to forgive and forget and enjoy your grandchild once in a great while.

Take care.

I have a grandson,my first. I have told my son & daughter in law-Friday_ that is my day to spoil him,but then he goes home. there having some finanual problems which i volunteered to babysit if she wanted to get a job. Corbin is only 18 mos. and never has stayed with a stranger and i don,t want him to until he can at least tell you if things aren,t right. I offered to do this for free, until they get back on there feet. If they were going out to eat,partying,or just spending money foolishly i would expect pay.I don,t want them out drinking anyway. We all know that is T-R-O-U-B-L-E. I have been fighting cervical cancer and i don,t know what my future holds. If worst comes to worst for me i want him to know granny loves him. There has been times when i have had my heart walked on, it has gotten a lot better through communication. Talk to your daughter, without blame, just express your feelings.