I'm dating a girl that has herpes. It's my understanding you can still get herpes off an infected partner even when they are not having an outbreak. Whenever I even mention using a condom she gets upset. It says it makes her feel like she's dirty & I shouldn't catch it unless she's having an outbreak. Am I being overly cautious here. Should I just jump in & throw caution to the wind ? Or should I stick to my guns & keep insisting we use condoms ? I would think she would want me to be careful but that doesn't seem to be the case. I realize that even with condoms there is a chance I could get herpes but at least it would lower the odds. She brings up the fact that it never bothered other men she has dated. But you know some guys are so desperate for sex they would have sex without a condom with someone that's HIV positive. But I'm not one of those guys. How do I get her to accept using a condom is just common sense?
You have brains in your head, feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
-Dr. Seuss
I think that you should just remind her how much you care about her, and to tell her that using a condom simply makes you feel more comfortable. You want to be with you and you absolutely don't think she'd dirty... you simply feel that it's smarter to take the precaution. I think that you could talk her into understanding you if you do it in the right way. Take her to a nice dinner and show her how much you care... and just at some point during the night, talk to her about this.
Please continue to protect yourself.Do you see yourself settling down and marrying this girl?would you like to be in her shoes someday?its sad that she has herpes but its alot sadder she doesnt mind possibly infecting others:(take care of yourself and unless you plan on spending your life with her and sharing an std keep using protection.
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I would love to settle down with her she really is a good person. She has the attitude that I can't get herpes unless she's having an outbreak & this is just not true. She's going to have to stop being so sensitive about the subject, I'm sticking to my guns on this no glove no love. If I had herpes & she didn't I would insist on condoms to protect her. I just find it odd she has a problem with me protecting myself.
Love your life as you only get one.
My best friend has herpes and her boyfriend knows. Here's what she told me. Just because your girlfriend is not having an outbreak does not mean you cannot contract the disease. It's medically called "shedding" when the disease is spread through non-outbreak contact. The only way to prevent yourself from her giving it to you is using protection and having her take suppressive therapy (which consists of 1 Valtrex pill daily). It's not worth the risk to not be protected and even worse, for your girlfriend to be giving you incorrect information. It sounds like she's not very educated about her disease and if this is the case, you ought to clue her in. I also have to admit that if she really cared about you and your health, she'd insist that you wear a condom each and every time you had sex so as to prevent you from getting it. I think the fact that she doesn't insist likely means she doesn't care for you as much as you think. I'm sorry to be the one to break the news. You can check out hivtest.org for information about herpes as well as other STDs. Stick to your guns. Use the minimum protection: a condom!
Thin slices of thought cut quickest.
sorry to be the negative guy here.....I understand that you see a future with her and thats great. BUT DOES SHE WANT ONE WITH YOU? By the way she is treating you on this matter shows a lot about how she MAY treat you overall. You said that when you want to wear a condom it "Makes her feel dirty". Well maybe she is....someone in the world is. My advice is to think about if she cares about you overall. How she speaks to you, treats you, your friends. Is this the only prob in your relationship? If she really wants to be with you she should treat your feelings on this matter with respect to how YOU feel. Not just worrying about what she feels. If she gives it to you she may feel that you will not leave her, which if true, means she is using herpes as a weapon against you. Until you figure it out at least keep it strapped up. Not meaning to sound rude but prob did. You asked for an opinion and that is mine. AT LEAST USE A CONDOM!
I'm getting some interesting opinions here that are food for thought. I do believe she really cares & she trests me well. This is the only problem in our relationship. Her theory is she was married for several years & always had unprotected sex with her husband. Her husband she claims never got herpes. I would be curious to know if he really is herpes free. I've heard this is one of the easiest STD's to transmit form one person to another. We had already had unprotected sex once before she told me she had herpes so I may already be infected. I'm going to the health Dept to get tested for all STD's next week & to get information on herpes. I will follow their advise & relay that advise to her. She will have a hard time disputing medical advise & putting her own spin on things. I'm not going to run away from her because she has herpes. But as I said before I'm going to protect myself. No glove no love that's just common sense.
Thats very irresponsible of her. She should be happy that your even there for her in the first place giving you herpes like that.
My feelings exactly.
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