Be honest and be true to yourself.
Hi Shannon,
I understood everything that you said in your question. I really believe that this man is not for you. I know you don't want to hear this. You love him very much. There are times that our head should rule over our heart and this is the time for that. He is involved with this other woman and the other issue is his mom. Do you think that by being with him will give you future happiness? This will only get worse with time. This is a difficult thing to do but you need to stop your relationship with him. You are not going to be happy with a person like that.
You are still young, you still have a lot of time to find a man who will truly love you alone. You are a very caring , loyal and a loving woman. I know there is someone out there to match your nice qualities and who you could be happy with the rest of your life.
Please take care of yourself and ask God to help you do the right thing.
hey shannon!! wow very deep question, (this is off sub. but u should be a writer!) anyways......if i were u i would do pros and cons, the pros (postive things) about staying with him verses the cons (bad things), once you have devolped a perfect list, weigh the options...looking at what you have it seems like your cons are greater than your pros, if i were you i would talk to him about what he wants 2 do, and put those into account.... and also take time off, go some where from ur past and figure stuff out from their you would be amazed how much it helps you think.
i am sorry to be synical, but in the end, i dont think that this relationship is going 2 work out. you are young! and as you said would like to have children in some way or another, end this, but stay in touch with him (its always good 2 have friends) but i really do not beileve that this man is ur future soul mate, no matter how many hours of cousleing u have...
keep searching!!! u deserve a good man!! (and one who does not cheat)
The less that you give you're a taker
Well, if I were you I would start by writing up a list comparing how your first marriage was for you, compared to how this next relationship is for you. honestly, his mother is probably spending all her time planning how to control his life, and she's doing pretty well. My own mother does that with all the females in the family who are at least one generation younger, but it goes right over my head, so I don't have much respect for guys who allow their mothers to control them, although I do understand how it happens, and that it's a real problem for you. You seem to understand that his mother isn't one of those who "mean well", she's just a flat out bitch. So that's what she is then, and you'll just keep going around and around with this thing until you break down. Listen, she couldn't drive you off herself, so she's messing up other people's lives as collateral damage in order to get you that way. But listen, you say this other girl is pregnant with his child? I hear you putting that in the context of it being just another problem in you retaining control of him. That's a MAJOR problem, if not a deal breaker, isn't it? Perhaps you need to step back and consider that you might be turning into his mom yourself, which would be her ultimate triumph, and probably her goal from the start. Sorry if that upsets you, but your rope is getting REALLY twisted. It appears that you've gotten the fact that it doesn't matter WHO you are, only THAT you are, now try extinction as a response to her agressiveness and your boyfriend's insecurity. You cannot fix this thing I don't think, but you might be able to train it into something you can live with. Does that sound like enough for you though?
Thanks for everyones answers. Your honesty is appreciated. The mother issues I have delt with the entire relationship and handled fairly well. Reason behind my trust on that issue came with his conversation with me about his family life. He told me that he loves his parents and was raised sternly with the Idea of honor your mother and father. BUT that he also knows and holds to the idea that when a man marries he leaves his mother and he clings to his wife.
The only comment that I disagree with is about me turning into his mom. nada... LOL... I have no desire to control a man. He is grown and can and will make his own choices. If I have to control him, to have him, IT ISN"T WORTH IT. I want a husband not a grown man to raise.(my first husband needed a mom not a wife) I refuse to manipulate any situation like the other woman with the baby and like his mom. He must choose me by free will.
The other woman issue I am still brewing over. He is grown and HE made the choice. No one else to blame but HIM. The part that has me stuck I guess is that I had chosen to FORGIVE him and us work through things BEFORE she came forth with the pregnancy. It didnt' shock me. I knew from the start what she was after. She knew we were together and she persued it until she got him.
Everyone can see my heart belongs to this man. My head is stuggling with Logic... I don't know how to turn my heart off. I don't know how to be cold. I have my days of being pissed but I don't know how to walk away. The logic in my head says I can walk away and I know the outcome.
He will end up marrying her for the child. It will not be a healthy marriage and it will end in a divorce. ( I realize this is reason enough for me to walk away)
Despite it all as long as i don't close the door to him he is holding to the idea that He and I had a happy and wonderful life together. He has always said I was his PEACE his HAPPINESS his ESCAPE from hell at home.
For My own Sake I just Pray for some PEACE of MIND AND HEART. I need my head and heart on the same page.
Everyone has said some insightful things. You as a person seem very insightful as well, and often seem to already know the very answers you are seeking. I am a Relationship Coach and deal with these types of issues often. If you would like additional insight into your issue or would like some professional advice, please feel free to email me and we can talk. DeannaLorraine@Elysium-Coaching.com
Good luck in your decisions,
DeAnna
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