Ex-boyfriend wanted just sex but i thought he wanted me back!

Hi Ketty,

   I think that getting back with  an ex boyfriend is not a good idea not unless you both have resolved the issues why you broke up in the first place.  Sex alone is not a good reason to get back together.  Please don't allow yourself to be disrespected this way.  If he goes back to you and wants to reconcile because he realized that he loved and cared for you, then that is a good reason to get back together.  But if he goes back to you and just use you for sex, then you look like you don't respect yourself.  How can this man respect you when you don't respect yourself?

     It seems to me that he is just playing games with you.  If you like this kind of treatment, then that is your choice.  Just don't make a mistake of getting pregnant because the child will be the one that will suffer.  A child born out of wedlock and with no good family structure is certainly the loser here.

    The next time he comes around, ask him what his intentions are, if he's serious about the relationship or not.  Please don't sell yourself short.  You deserve a more stable relationship.

Take care.

Dear Ketty,

    I understand your concern. DB Lady is right (2 thumbs up). It is important that you take care of yourself. I know that this is painful; this is not an uncommon situation. However, it is important that you HONOR yourself. I believe that you do know what to do. It may take some courage, but you can do it.

   Ask yourself if this 'relationship' honors you; does it make you feel loved? I don't hear that in your description of the situation. Follow your intuition, and DB Lady's advice, and I believe you will be fine. It's obvious to me that you want more than sex from this relationship. Make this clear, and remember who you are and what you stand for. That is the most important thing.

                        With Kind Regards,

                                                   Daniel

      Hello Ketty,

     When it come to relationships and love, things can become challenging because of fear and confusion. It certainly sounds like you've had a change of heart. There is always a lot of learning within almost any relationship. That's what  relationships are about; learning and work. Learning from each other and learning how to communicate. The best relationships have taken a lot of work!

    The ideas of 'love at first sight' or 'soul mates' are true; however, after the initial 'recognition' the 'work' still needs to be done. You each have your own history. You each have your own individual programming or ways of looking at and dealing with yourselves and your reality. It takes work to coordinate these aspects of each other.

    We all make mistakes. As I always say, making a mistake is another way of giving one self a chance to improve. If we don't make any mistakes, we don't really learn anything. A relationship is filled with mistakes, but with communication each person within the relationship can learn, become more, and become closer. Through these mistakes we learn what LOVE is. Sexuality is only a part of a loving relationship. The INNER CONNECTION is what is most important. 

   Within a relationship communication is vital! When talking with each other, especially about strong emotions, it is a good idea to take turns. When one is talking, the other one does nothing but listen and be understanding. Make no judgments, and simply hear the person out. Do not take anything personally, but simply listen. Then you get your turn, and the other gives you your space to talk.

   Always remember who you are and what you stand for. Honor yourself, and when you learn to do this you will honer your partner as well.

                         With Kind Regards,

                                                  Daniel

Hi Ketty

I have been in your shoes, I had 2 long term relationships, one which was 3 years and I was really happy but I was 28 and wondered why we were not taking the relationship further.  It turned out, he didn't want to.  He was totally attracted to me, we had a great sex life, I was a pretty easy going girlfriend and he was happy - but that is not enough.  Forget your family and what they want, what do you want.  Do you only want him back because your are lonely and you miss being with someone?

A few months after I split with my ex, I met my husband - he loves me 100% for me and I am now in a secure relationship, I see how all the others were wrong.

You should never ever have to chase a guy to get back with you - if he is not banging down that door to be with you, then he is not right for you and you need to move on.  He showed a lack of respect for you by just calling you for sex, you can do SO MUCH better and you will.

be strong, keep him out your life and wait for the real deal to come along.

good luck

My pleasure, and I hope you meet someone wonderful very soon.