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Effects of illness on previous life successes

I am 50 years old.  I have always been athletic, done well professionally, and enjoyed social connections.  I have been diagnosed with Hughes Syndrome which mimics in mild ways MS and stroke.  My memory is affected, mildly, though I am unable to work because of the structure and efficiency/organization required.  This was something I was quite good at 10 years ago, as well as enjoying playing league tennis 10-15 hours per week, and having as well as going to parties and other social activities.  My world has shrunk considerably without an ability to athleticism, applying for disability due to inability to keep up with work, and the subsequent effects on my social life.  I know I cannot remain in a state of mourning for my life in the past and must create a new set of circumstances where I can get my needs met and feel the ability to live as fully as I have in the past.  Awareness of this has helped, though I continue to struggle with feeling like a different person, or at least one with very different abilities.  Thanks for your time in addressing this. 


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Its normal to feel sad and even angry when bad things happen to us - and mourning is part of the healing process.  Its good to vent feelings by writing thoughts and emotions down - why not start an inspirational blog with your highs and lows - and you never know you may get a lot of satisfaction out of knowing that perhaps you are helping others in the same boat.
Posted 2009-08-06T16:40:56Z
Elixir magazine was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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Turn off the television and teach your children how to think.

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*I do not read or write anything in the "Comments" section.*

 

Hi Dangerblonde,

I'm sorry you are having medical difficulties; the extreme change in lifestyle must be very difficult for you.

I'm not quite clear as to the nature of your question. Are you wanting to know if what you are feeling is 'normal?' Or how to handle your feelings?

Did you want suggestions regarding replacement activities?

Please clarify so we can try to give you some answers which may help.
Posted 2009-08-03T16:22:19Z
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Cognitively, I do understand the impact on individuals in the aging process.  Information and integration are different and it is the latter which is difficult for me.  Certainly it is always good to feel validated in one's difficult, and all, experiences.  And, it is very important to move from the great sense of grief and loss and back into a recreated lifestyle that provides the same quality of satisfaction even if one's activities change.  Finding people to really connect with, activities that are within my ability and that are fun and challenging, feeling purposeful and having something to offer - I am a social worker of 30 years - so, "physician, heal thyself!" Right?  Wrong.  Change is difficult for me especially while mourning the loss, feeling I am much too young to have to make these changes (life's not fair and etc...), fears related to not knowing how much more I may lose either physically or cognitively or both.  Hughes Syndrome is different for everyone, as are most cascade autoimmune disorders, so one never knows.  This is a familial pattern; some relatives have progressed in their autoimmune illnesses, dying in their 40's and 50's.  Others have lived well into 70's.  And, there is the element of regret I did not know I had endometriosis, the reason for not being able to have children.  Infertility is quite common in my family, but while I understand this now, no one talked about the high incidence of endometriosis and infertility so as to give subsequent generations increased choices in pursuing life choices earlier, opening new possibilities with regard to many issues. 

I am never clear when I ramble, so apologies.  I really don't know how to state more specifically what I am looking for in addressing life changes related to age and illness.  I know the specific problem is the ability to successfully mourn and move past loss and grief in order to make room for other things in my life.  I haven't reached a point of acceptance, and I believe this is holding me back. 

Thanks for your responses.  I appreciate your time. 
Posted 2009-08-03T20:31:14Z
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Thanks very much. Valerie
Posted 2009-08-06T21:11:49Z
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Hi ...This is John. First, I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful and insightful answer to my personal problem with my daughter and her grandfather.What immediately strikes methough is your ability to forget your personal problems in order to concentrate on helping others (myself included). What also strikes me is your ability to disect complex problems into tangable facts. I really thought that I was reading a response from a professional psychologist. so thank you for your help and advice which I will most surely take, but more important , thank you for being the unselfich person that you are. If you think that your skills are diminished,please be comforted in that you posess considerable interpersonal skill, intuative logic and a real heart. I would suggest that you consider a vocation that will allow you to capitalize on these virtues for yourself and for the rest of us that need someone like you. Counseling, advocating, teaching, helping, are just some that come to mind. Best of luck with your health and your family relationships,You are one of a very few angels in this universe. I hope that this note helps....Take care.....John

Posted 2009-10-05T17:47:24Z
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Hi ...This is John. First, I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful and insightful answer to my personal problem with my daughter and her grandfather.What immediately strikes methough is your ability to forget your personal problems in order to concentrate on helping others (myself included). What also strikes me is your ability to disect complex problems into tangable facts. I really thought that I was reading a response from a professional psychologist. so thank you for your help and advice which I will most surely take, but more important , thank you for being the unselfich person that you are. If you think that your skills are diminished,please be comforted in that you posess considerable interpersonal skill, intuative logic and a real heart. I would suggest that you consider a vocation that will allow you to capitalize on these virtues for yourself and for the rest of us that need someone like you. Counseling, advocating, teaching, helping, are just some that come to mind. Best of luck with your health and your family relationships,You are one of a very few angels in this universe. I hope that this note helps....Take care.....John
Posted 2009-10-05T17:50:33Z
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