Divorced: How do I win my sons affection?

Invite a friend or 2 of his over for play dates to help keep him occupied.  Perhaps taking him and a friend camping with you or having them spend the night every now and then with him.  How about a pet?

It sounds like you're a very caring dad and already spend a lot of time with him and just want the best for him which is great.  Just be yourself and love him like you are and try not to talk negative about his mother. 

Also remember if you do all these nice things and win him over, that you'll have to keep it up afterwards or it'll be a huge disappointment in the long run for him.  Try but not too hard if that makes sense.

Best of luck with everything.

A few more thots

1. You are 60 miles from the beach
2. Zoos in Florida
   Brevard Zoo, Melbourne Florida
   Caribbean Gardens, Naples Florida
   Central Florida Zoo, Sanford Florida
   Jacksonville Zoo, Jacksonville Florida 246 miles
   Lowry Park Zoo, Tampa Florida
   Santa Fe Community College Teaching Zoo, Gainesville FL 231 miles
   Sea World/Busch Gardens, Orlando Florida
   The Palm Beach Zoo, Palm Beach FL
   The Zoo, Gulf Breeze Florida
3. Apalachicola National Forest- http://www.wakullacounty.org/wakulla-6.htm less than 100 miles.
   
4. Orlando- 342 miles. This would be a trip when he is a bit older. Keep in mind the story of the mule and the carrot. No offense is intended, but the picture is apt. Let him know what is coming up in the future.

To paraphrase what Tracy said, don't say nothin', bad about his mama.

And a last thot, when you are with him, get rid of the cell phone unless your medical or in another field where you must remain in contact. Give him all your time and your full attention.This is all stuff that a good parent would do. By being the best parent possible, you will gain his respect and affection. And do not be afraid to set limits. For example, if 2100 is bedtime, stick to it. If you want to break this rule, let him know up front. Bedtime is 2100 unless we are doing something special, like a trip to the zoo.

Best wishes

Jay

Stop trying to be a winner it don't work just let him know you love him and your their for him when he needs you. answer his questions with an open mind and be careful what you say make him answer what he thin ks is right remember he is only 5 yrs and he only remembers the good and the bad. My daughter was just talking about this tonight about what she remembers about us going through the devoice. Their is one thing I can tell you for sure boys don't like their moms with other men, its not suppose to be I was told by my son. But its ok for dad because he's a man at the end now 25 years later he is closer to mom don't try to win just be his best friend more than a parent. I'm sure he loves you at five its just fun when no is told to him by his mom go to the real reason and try to reason with him, Good luck been their did that. DVD New York

Stop trying to be a winner it don't work just let him know you love him and your their for him when he needs you. answer his questions with an open mind and be careful what you say make him answer what he thin ks is right remember he is only 5 yrs and he only remembers the good and the bad. My daughter was just talking about this tonight about what she remembers about us going through the devoice. Their is one thing I can tell you for sure boys don't like their moms with other men, its not suppose to be I was told by my son. But its ok for dad because he's a man at the end now 25 years later he is closer to mom don't try to win just be his best friend more than a parent. I'm sure he loves you at five its just fun when no is told to him by his mom go to the real reason and try to reason with him, Good luck been their did that. DVD New York

Do NOT try to be "fun dad" under any circumstances. Instead, focus on being there CONSISTENTLY for your son now and as he grows. He may not like it (discipline is never fun in a child's mind) but I can guarantee he will appreciate it in adulthood. Furthermore, I don't know the court's rules regarding custody in your state, but in my state where the child resides is NOT up to the child - it is up to the Court to determine what's in his best interests. If you are certain you want to have 100% custody and you believe that would be in your son's best interests (not that it is just cheaper child support), you may wish to seek legal advice regarding modification of your current Orders and/or ask that a Court Expert be appointed to determine what custody arrangement is best for all of you. Of course, there is no guarantee you will get what you want if you choose to petition for modification - but since all the judge can do is say no, it never hurts to try.

First, it is not about the material stuff.  This is seen way too often.  It only makes it difficult on a young child.  Stuff for a young boy is quite tormenting and especially when the dad or mom is using it to bribe the child.  It almost made me sick to read your list of stuff and coy to lure your son.  You may want to look at that.  A great support system is www.splitntwo.com. 

Unless you think your wife's environment is harmful to your son, you should be content with having your son for 50 per cent of the time.  It seems like you might be trying some underhanded ways to steal your son from your wife and you are jealous.  It is best he sees the two of you getting along and that he feels loved by both of you.  I think children should have an open door to visit both parents after a divorce and not be the object of revenge.  Enjoy your son when he is with you, but in the meantime, maybe you and your new wife can find other things to do to occupy your time and your life.  Maybe you can volunteer at a children's hospital or something.  I am sorry because I am sure divorce is hard on everyone in the long run.  When he is older, he may decide he wants a change.  Please do not use trickery.  That is evil.