This setback is preparation for a big comeback!
That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
After a 12 year relationship/marriage falls apart how am I supposed to start over now? I gave this man the best years of my life, and everything I had. Trips to Hawaii, a trip to Costa Rica to a destination I had never even seen. I even paid for a child custody law suit in order for him to get custody of his son. When I met him his ex was taking ALL but $49 of his paycheck, so I took care of everything for him and 3 children, one of which isn't even his biologically. Paying ALL his household bills and keeping up my household got to be a bit much so I moved in with him. (kept mine as a rental) Then his unemployed mother moved in for 6 months, I handled it all very well. Ran my accounting business all day long, came in dropped my briefcase, laptop, purse, etc.. and kissed him while he was sitting on the sofa in the basement (I paid to have finished) playing video games, said hi to her while she was sitting in the living room watching TV, and started cooking dinner, meanwhile, they're eating & I'm doing the dishes, (u don't think either one of them would offer) then downstairs to laundry, in between helping my own 5yr old daughter with her homework, (he still to the last day didn't have a relationship w/her) On weekends when his kids came, they were all about me, let's do this let's do that, so you get the history... then the worst happened, I was hit head on in an auto accident, I have been through 14 back surgeries and declared legally disabled. It's been 7years and I'm still adjusting, as you can tell, I'm really not a true "housewife" as well as fighting off depression over all I lost in my businesses, over Chronic Pain, and now over this jerk. Am I wrong for feeling like he's an ungrateful SOB? Should I not be dwelling on ALL I did for him in the past when HE needed me and when I finally NEEDED him he ran? I'm so hurt I can't get over this... and to top it all off the son I raised for all those years he turned against me!! This has effected my health in so many ways, of course I have had additional pain from the stress, but I have to now see a hematologist because I can't eat and I was very close to needing a blood transfusion, I had the biggest treatment they've ever given and now instead of having ONE unit of blood in my system, I now have 5. When I moved out my heart didn't even beat, it could only flutter. This "man" (term used loosely) who is supposed to be my husband and "always gonna love me" watched me deteriorate for 5 months til my house was ready for me and my daughter to move back into. Then has the audacity to offer me $7500 buy out on OUR house and YES alot of MY $ is tied up in there too. The market value is anywhere from $315-350K the mortgage is about $120K. Oh and I forgot to mention all the mental abuse the entire time we lived in the house... that I didn't keep it up enough, I wasn't allowed to say "MY" in a sentence figuratively speaking, although he did ALL the time, how paint colors were embarassing, yet we always picked them out together, and best of all, HOW HE BUILT THE HOUSE FOR US!!! A house 5x's the size of the house we were living in which WE cleaned together, HE NEVER helped me with this house and I was still going through surgeries! Sorry to be so long winded but I had to get my story out, please tell me how do I start over when I can't stop loving him? And missing my dog dearly!!!
Love is the battery of life....
Hi, ----------- You are not going to like my answer but I have to be true with you and tell you exactly what I think (as a total; stranger). You need 2 things: A good psychologist and a good attorney. If you still love that man after all what he did to you (he simply used you !) you really need help..... The best thing you can do is let him go, close the door behind you and never look backwards. He is no good for you and only used you. Hire the best possible attorney that will make sure you get what you deserve to get. Don't have any mercey for him squeeze him to the last penny. Concentrate on your health, on your daughter, an on finding a man that deserves you. Behind your words I see a smart brave loving sensetive woman..... Don't let it hurt your self eateem / confidence. I appologize if I was too direct and blunt, I only ment to help you. -------------- Best regards.
Gestalt
Well, you are not alone in the ache of starting over and letting go. A lot of women (including myself - took me ten years to leave the sob). I also thought oh no - the best years of my life - my beauty - my career - my income....!
After four years away from it all, I found myself, my freedom, and realized that I am still beautiful and have a much stronger costitution than I would have ever belived in 7years ago.
I also agree with another answer to your post suggesting therapy. I found an excellent female psycologist and remained diligent and honest in my expensive sessions. I required her to play hard ball with me, because I know I needed to grow quickly. She used her instincts with me as she saw fit, and I am thankful for her not always playing hard ball.
She also coached me during the final aspects of seperation (our relationship was not considered common-law marriage because we resided in NJ). However, I was able to find the right loopholes with legal advice from esquires who practice family law. Because we presented as husband and wife, and his father always introduced me as his daughter-in-law, I had him. A few letters from some resturant hostesses and bartenters and One phone call to his father from a lawyer was all I needed to regain some of my assests. (my payroll check stubs were used to refinace the father's business). Couldn't touch my ex, but I got his father to make him move, and move quick on liquid assessts.
About the dog. I am an animal lover, and never had children. But, you have to go into yourself and ask, 'is it about the dog, or does the dog give me an excuse to contact my ex?. My ex and I had six dogs, but this was the one and only area we did not fight. But, I had to realize that he was using the dogs to contact me. So I arranged for a middle person pick up. This was on the advice of my psycologist, and I know it was in the best interest to keep him away from me while I worked and me.
The work, the pain, the financial loss, the time, all of it was not wasted. I am who I want to be and not what he wanted me to be.
You will be fine - Marion
I have found in my life time that some people will use you for all they can get. They may even get good at playing psycological games saying they love you and care.. but always with an agenda, always with (their own) interest at heart. It's pure evil... and evil is always, eventually, Exposed! Run like hell away from this man. He has sown some really bad seeds for himself and his children, and now he only stands to reap what he has sown!
Be so happy that you are not him and that you are free! Read your own tag-line, I like it! You are a very strong and intellegent woman with many more good years ahead of you! Play it smart, protect what's yours, and keep your eyes on God. All of this has happened in your life for a reason, aren't you just dying to find out what God has instore for that man!? Believe me, you won't want to be anywhere near him to experience it!
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