Divorce after 11 years

I need some help from my online family.  I met the love of my life on Fri, Dec 13th, 1996.  We have been together ever since and two months ago, she broke up with me.  Yes we were engaged and not married, but there are reasons why that I will not get into.  Mainly, she did not want to due to she thought she was "too fat to fit in a wedding dress"  Basically, she was too self conscious about herself and I let that be a reason I did not propose sooner.  I should have proposed sooner, but at this point, it doesn't matter.  The relationship ended up dieing due to bad communication between the 2 of us.  I thought we had good communication, but the truth is we didn't and I didn't see it till it was too late.  As far as my heart is concerned, I have felt like I have been married to her for years.  I have thought of her as my wife, which may not have been fair to her.  Either way, what I need help with is how do I deal with divorce?  I have friends that say to get a hobby and stay busy, but even when I stay busy, I still think of her.  How do I mentally deal with the situation?



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PS.  Here is a "leter" I wrote to her on my myspace page in case anyone wants to read it or provide comments.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=336826685&blogID=369439358 
Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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OronD
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
Bad communication is a problem that can and should be treated, and it is not a reason to split.  If you really feel the way you described, why don't you try to bring her back 2u ? - Promise her to attend the communication problem (proffesional counsultaion) and tell her that you still love her deeply and do the best if you get a 2nd chance... (and really mean it !!!!)
If you believe that it is all over (no chance to bring her back) the best thing to do is find yourself a new love..... won't be easy (you are still emotionally engaged with her) and might take some time.... but that is better than any hobby or being bussy in something you don't really like.....
Best ragards,

Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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I have made promises to get and be better.  Thing is, in her words, "there is no love left (on her side) anymore so why bother?"  I completely agree with you and she has even said she feels guilty about the way she just dropped an axe and ended it.  She admitted that after 6 weeks and after 7 she was sad and emotional I have made all these positive changes.  Thing is, at least she says this, there is no love left anymore.
Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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OronD
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
In that case better forget about her.... No offence please but this sentence is usually a sign that she has a new love.... (I bet that if you look carefully into that matter you'll find that she has someone new and if you look a bit deeper you'll see that he was with her B4 she left.....).  Better take my advice, find someone to love..... the sooner the better.....
Best regards,

Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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Its a weird thing.  With this being an online age, she has an "online boyfriend" she met through xbox live.  She says she has professed his love for her.  My opinion is she has been loved so much and so long, that after she kicked me out of her heart, she is lacking the love I provided so she is latching onto the first thing that popped up.  This guy is in PA and we are in OR.  She is 31, I am 33, and this kid is 23.  She met this guy online about 5 to 6 weeks ago.  ehh.....whatever on that.  He wants her to be loyal to him, not just online.  Either way, I have been focusing on how to get her back for the last 8 weeks and haven't got anywhere except pain.  She will say something that sounds positive about "us" and then she follows it up with a, "if this only happened before we broke up" type statement.  So, yeah, one minute I am miserable without her, get all hopeful after hearing something nice, only to have my heart kicked in the balls a little bit later.  So, my brain is telling me to give up.  My heart is aching and crying, but I can't put myself through this yo-yo torture anymore.  How can I mentally deal with this pain?
Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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