I need some help from my online family. I met the love of my life on Fri, Dec 13th, 1996. We have been together ever since and two months ago, she broke up with me. Yes we were engaged and not married, but there are reasons why that I will not get into. Mainly, she did not want to due to she thought she was "too fat to fit in a wedding dress" Basically, she was too self conscious about herself and I let that be a reason I did not propose sooner. I should have proposed sooner, but at this point, it doesn't matter. The relationship ended up dieing due to bad communication between the 2 of us. I thought we had good communication, but the truth is we didn't and I didn't see it till it was too late. As far as my heart is concerned, I have felt like I have been married to her for years. I have thought of her as my wife, which may not have been fair to her. Either way, what I need help with is how do I deal with divorce? I have friends that say to get a hobby and stay busy, but even when I stay busy, I still think of her. How do I mentally deal with the situation?
PS. Here is a "leter" I wrote to her on my myspace page in case anyone wants to read it or provide comments.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=336826685&blogID=369439358
Love is the battery of life....
Hi,Bad communication is a problem that can and should be treated, and it is not a reason to split. If you really feel the way you described, why don't you try to bring her back 2u ? - Promise her to attend the communication problem (proffesional counsultaion) and tell her that you still love her deeply and do the best if you get a 2nd chance... (and really mean it !!!!)If you believe that it is all over (no chance to bring her back) the best thing to do is find yourself a new love..... won't be easy (you are still emotionally engaged with her) and might take some time.... but that is better than any hobby or being bussy in something you don't really like..... Best ragards,
I have made promises to get and be better. Thing is, in her words, "there is no love left (on her side) anymore so why bother?" I completely agree with you and she has even said she feels guilty about the way she just dropped an axe and ended it. She admitted that after 6 weeks and after 7 she was sad and emotional I have made all these positive changes. Thing is, at least she says this, there is no love left anymore.
Hi,In that case better forget about her.... No offence please but this sentence is usually a sign that she has a new love.... (I bet that if you look carefully into that matter you'll find that she has someone new and if you look a bit deeper you'll see that he was with her B4 she left.....). Better take my advice, find someone to love..... the sooner the better.....Best regards,
Its a weird thing. With this being an online age, she has an "online boyfriend" she met through xbox live. She says she has professed his love for her. My opinion is she has been loved so much and so long, that after she kicked me out of her heart, she is lacking the love I provided so she is latching onto the first thing that popped up. This guy is in PA and we are in OR. She is 31, I am 33, and this kid is 23. She met this guy online about 5 to 6 weeks ago. ehh.....whatever on that. He wants her to be loyal to him, not just online. Either way, I have been focusing on how to get her back for the last 8 weeks and haven't got anywhere except pain. She will say something that sounds positive about "us" and then she follows it up with a, "if this only happened before we broke up" type statement. So, yeah, one minute I am miserable without her, get all hopeful after hearing something nice, only to have my heart kicked in the balls a little bit later. So, my brain is telling me to give up. My heart is aching and crying, but I can't put myself through this yo-yo torture anymore. How can I mentally deal with this pain?
Hi,The more I read the more I am conviced that the advice I gave you is 100%: Forget about her, don't even phone her (it will only frustrate you and lead to more heart-pain and hopes that will be in vain), and concentrate on finding a new love, someone that deserves you. The sooner the better. Tnx for being so open and honest.Best rgards,
That is the current plan, but how do I do that mentally? Just see a new girl and go after her? There is still a little hope with me and my girl, but I can't wait around. How can I train my brain not to think of her 24/7 and how do I stop the pain?
Your blog reminds me of an old Spanish legend that tells of the last Moorish (Muslim) king of Spain standing with his mother on Gibraltar and weeping unconsolably. His mother turns to him and says, "Why are you weeping as a baby over land that you could not fight for as a man"?
Val is to be admired and I can feel your loss. She gave you over 11 years of chances to grow up and be a man and you refused. It ,therefore, can't be a 2nd chance for her to give you. Now instead of love she probably only feels sorry for you which is why she offered to share that insurance policy with you. So face it; it is all over and you have to get back on the right track. No hobby will help and neither will keeping busy. Look now to the future; you are only 33 and still have time if you don;t pine for Val. If you can't use each of her pleas for you to grow up as a suggestion for growth then get yourself a good therapist. You don't need endless sessions of psychoanalysis but you do need a good coach or therapist. Val has one child she does not need to take care of two. Use this opportunity to make a good and new life for yourself and I hope you will then find a good partner. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself you will then find many open doors of opportunity and growth.
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