Dislike my daughter's boyfriend

Hi,

I'm afraid there isn't much that you can do. I am sure that you brought her up with certain values and gradually nurtured her to independence. You should not apply any force but you can explain why you can not approve of her boyfriend. You sent her away to college, a step that shows she is worthy of your trust and it might be that she is showing that she can make her own decisions. Hopefully she will come around and agree with you.

Don't tell your daughter what you think.  It will just push her into his arms faster.

Next, stop worrying if you are cool or not cool.  You, like myself, are a dad.  That means our kids will never think we are cool (except for some odd moments) and they are not our friends.  They are our children.

So I am hoping that it is a general sense of you do not like this guy.  If it is anything else (drugs, beatings, anything that is criminal and will harm your daughter) there is different advice for it.

So there isn't much that you could do. Be nice, be open, be civil and be warm.  But still be on guard.

The one part that you can do though is this:  if for some reason they are shacking up, or getting an apartment together, then they are adults who wish to be co-habitating or married.  So don't send any money, do their laundry, take care of their things if they are going to live together.  If someone wants to act like an adult, they have to be an adult.

I think you should just let it play out. If you try to put pressure on your daughter you'll simply damage your relationship between you and your daughter. I say give it some time and perhaps your daughter will see things the way you do later on.

I have to agree with JtotheA. While I don't have kids (I'm a newlywed), I am young enough to remember what it was like when I was in college and dating (I am 25 and graduated when I was 21). I know that if my parents had said anything about the guys I was hanging out with, especially in the negative (like they don't like the guy, or he was a bad influence, etc.), it would drive me nuts and push me to hang out with the guy(s) more. While I know now that this was stupid and that my parents were only looking out for my best interest, I never would have listened back then because I hated being told what to do or think. I wanted to make my own decisions/mistakes without anyone's help, especially my parents. I would suggest letting it ride out, as some college relationships don't last and it's more than likely this will pass and she'll meet someone else later down the road.