Disappointed valentine

Hi,

First of all I can understand the difficulty you're experiencing. It can certainly be disappointing to expect something and then be let down. It sounds to me as if he treats you as if you were married but he simply doesn't want to go through the formality. You need to talk to him about this but I think you should be prepared to hear that he doesn't want to ever get married again. Even if he says this I don't think it's because he doesn't love you but rather because he may not see what the point is.

I can understand why you want to get married but if you are living together and are basically functioning as a married couple why is it so important to you? Is it the commitment?
He may have gone through such a trauma with his first marriage that he simply doesn't want to leave the chance that he might have to go through it again. 

I think you should tell him how you feel in order to put the cards on the table. You can't keep waiting anxiously for something that may be very far away. No matter what his answer is you'll be better off knowing where you stand. 

Have you thought about couples counseling? It sounds like it would help you two learn to communicate better (without one getting defensive or one feeling as if the other is attacking). Your boyfriend might also have some unresolved feelings about his divorce that counseling would do him some good, and possibly enhance your relationship as well.

Hi,

     I read your question carefully.  You are 53 years old, had been with your boyfriend for over 4 years and still he has not proposed marriage.  You had been very patient all along, you indicated to him your desire to formalize your relationship as in marriage. He even made comments abut people marrying as stupid.  Don't you understand what he is trying to tell you?  He is never going to marry you.  The proposal should come from the man,  not from the woman.  I am more old-fashioned when it comes

to this issue.  You don't have to be throwing hints at him.  If I were you,  I would talk to him one more time and point out to him that you want to be his wife, not a girlfriend forever.  If his answer is no he does not want to get married, then tell him that you are going to move out because what he is doing is just using you for sex,  I am sorry to say this, it is just like  you are working without even  being paid the minimum wage.  You are just there to satisfy his needs(sexual) without any benefits.

     I think you had been too nice for a long time.  It's time to be tough because you don't have any future with him.  He can find another woman  and dump you . 

     If he's not interested in marriage, probably you should move on and don't be used for another 7 years, you will tuurn 60 years old and at that time, it would be tough to find a man to marry.  Get out while you still have your beauty, you can still find a good man who deserves your loyalty, devotion, love and caring.  You are waiting for nothing.

      I hope you have your own profession so that you will be able to survive financially without this man.  Hopefully you are not with him because you can't afford to live comfortably by yourself.

     It will be tough at first, but it will get better after a while.  Enjoy life with your close friends, travel, get busy with your hobbies and eventually you will meet a nice man for you.

   I hope you won't get upset with all what I have said, but I am just tired of watching men taking advantage of women.  But the thing is these men will keep doing this because there are a lot of women who are allowing them to keep using them.

    I am a Catholic too and I just don't believe in this kind of lifestyle.

Be brave and do the right thing for you.  I'll be praying for you.

Rina