Depression

Recently I got a new job and the job is great but I am having problems with my boss. She is bi polar and very mean sometimes, then other times I am eating dinner with her. It is affecting me to the point where my relationship with my boyfriend is going downhill because i am always depressed. He told me he isnt in love with me but he cares about me alot. How do I deal with all this? I want to be happy in my job and in my relationship.


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Being someone who was diagnosed with bipolar, I can tell you that you should never take anything she does personal.  It's something that we can't control.  I take medication and it improves it quite a bit.  I would suggest reading about the disorder and it will help you understand why she does what she does and give you some ideas on how to deal with it.  There's plenty of information on the net about it.  If it still doesn't improve, you may want to look for another job.  Depending on your situation, you may be able to talk to her about it, but usually you risk losing your job or the situation worsening if you do, it just depends.

As for the boyfriend situation, again it depends on your situation. If you've only been with your boyfriend a short time, then I say just ask yourself if he treats you well and if so, be patient.  If you've been with him a while, you need to take a deeper look.  You deserve to be with someone who loves you and you shouldn't settle for less.  Don't stay with him just to be with someone.

There are some things you can do in the meantime to help you with your feelings of depression.  Make sure you take time for yourself, relax and listen to some soothing music, light some candles.  Do things you like to do, whether it be reading, crossword puzzles, surfing the net, whatever.

No matter what, keep your head up!


Posted 2 years ago ( permalink )
In reply to wondering's question
loveauthor17 was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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Well, I think that first of all, you shoud be aware that there are 2 problems here. one of them is your boss and the other is with your boyfriend. That's the 2 external problems. Also, there is one other problem which is you being depressed. 

So basically, it's 3 problems with 3 different people - your boss, your boyfriend and yourself. I think that it's interesting how you see it all as one problem - to which point the boundry between yourself and your feeling and what's going on on the outside (your boss being mean and your boyfriend telling you he isn't in love with you) faded. I think this is important for 2 reasons - first of all, understanding which problem you want to deal with at first, and second, because in my experience with depression - it very much shakes the boundry between my feeling and the reality outside of those feelings.

Solving those 3 problems is a very big process, way bigger then I can advice on in a short answer. I think that first of all it's important to understand that what your boyfriend said has to do with him - he's not in love anymore, it's not because you are depressed or anything. Also, the way that your boss is acting is because of her, because of her illness and not because of you. So, it seem like you are in 2 situation in your life where people are not being very supportive, this can be solved by either getting out of the situation (quitting your job, ending the relationship) or by being more open and demanding in both situations, I don't think it's OK for your boss to act in a mean way even if she is bi-polar and I think it's OK to demand respect and to be treated in a fair way. 

Also I think that dealing with your depression is important, and maybe the most important thing in the situation. And it'll probably a good idea to get diagnosed by a psycietrist to know if this is a clinical depression and to which degree it's effecting you. and then work on that - may it be through therapy, medication, change of diet, meditation or excursize. In my case the combination of SSRI medication and therapy, worked very well. It's important that you get proper diagnose to get a good treatment. Also it's important that you understand that depression is a medical situation, that require medical \ psychological help and it's not just a result of stressful situation at work and with your boyfriend.

While I was depressed I read a lot of books and websites about depression and dealing with it. I think that this book was the most help: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060007826/ref=pd_ys_iyr45/105-4666781-1165235

It's not a self help book but a bunch of very well written stories about authors dealing with depression either in themselves or others. It gives a good perspective to what depression feels like, on the inside and on the outside. 

 


Posted 2 years ago ( permalink )
In reply to wondering's question
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she' s really mean and I have only been at this job since April. I admit I am having somewhat of a tough time getting it down pat, but i think partially because she scared me and my confidence diminishes. It makes me feel stupid.

as far as my relationship, i love this man. maybe 2 much! i am not sure what to do about it. eventhough the night after we talked and he said he doesn't know what to say and he thinks we are just crazy and he apologized.. i still feel crappy. crappy about life.. feeling stuck..

if anything, i hate the job more than i dislike  how he treats me.. ridding myself of her would make me feel much better overall. she is like a black cloud looming over from 8:30-4:30


Posted 2 years ago ( permalink )
In reply to lilly's answer
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Well it sounds to me that even if the job's really great, the interaction with your boss is simply not worth it. I know leaving a working place is really hard and depressing, it took me 5 years and immigrating to another country to quite my job, which wasn't too bad, but also, wasn't too wonderful - I've been out of a job for the past 5 and a half month which is scary, but it does give me the chance ot learn a lot about myself (and about website design among other things).

I think that taking a few weeks off work at this point can be a good idea - just to try and sort things out, to see if the depression you are feeling comes from the work situation or from yourself, and spend some more time with your boyfriend and see if you and him are happy with the current situation.

Then, I think you should decide what to do - either quite the job, or get some help in learning how to be more asertive in it, I don't think that just sticking to what's been going on in the past few months - meaning just taking your bosses behavior as a given and getting more and more insecure is a good idea. 


Posted 2 years ago ( permalink )
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I know I cannot continue to just accept the situation at work. It gives me anxiety on a daily basis and makes me feel awful. I cannot takes weeks off or just quit without a back up plan.. I need money to come in.

I guess I should probably look for a new job but this one has made me feel so dumb.


Posted 2 years ago ( permalink )
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