Depressed teen

Hi Sherica

Perhaps you should try taking her for a haircut and a makeover.  It can make a girl feel like someone new.  Maybe buy her some new sexy clothes.  Once she starts getting some attention from men, it will make her want to make an effort herself.

best of luck

Perhaps some counseling would help.

How overweight is she? You mention that her doctors tell her not to worry about it. This leads me to believe she is five pounds overweight and not twenty... I think often times people fall into a rut of not caring about things such as personal hygiene and their living environments because it gets so far out of control it seems overwhelming and then they fall into the vicious cycle of getting depressed because things are the way they are, but not doing anything about them because they are depressed. Perhaps you can help her out in getting things organized. Maybe you can suggest going for a walk with her or looking for a local exercise class (kickboxing, pilates, Jazzercize etc.) you can both do together. When I was eighteen my mother and I both had gym memberships and we would go together. We helped to motivate eachother and it was also a good time for mother daughter bonding. Also, maybe you can offer to help her get her room cleaned up, and then she might see how much nicer it is and be more inclined to keep it that way. You mention that she has ocd's and it also seems that she has low self-esteem. A counselor might be able to provide her with someone to talk to and get these feelings out in the open as to why she feels this way. Best of luck.

I believe that laziness is a personality trait that can't be changed.  I have met the lazy of the laziest, and it's not depression, it's not low self-esteme, it's complete lack of motivation and zest for life,.. honestly, they just don't posess it, and really don't care either.  It is impossible to motivate an unmotivated person. Imagine if someone expected you to be a mountain climber for the rest of your life, every day of your life from now on. That is how a lazy person feels every day about everything.  In the Bible it's called Sloth.

  All you can do is pray.

I understand this situation--I teach in a private high school and have taught in two other public ones before.  Lack of self-esteem is indeed HUGE at this age, and perhaps you can sit her down, tell you that you accept her unconditionally, and ask her to tell you what she thinks about school, friends, teachers, dating, etc.  It may take awhile to get her to open up, but when she sees that you accept her feelings, she'll most likely be ready to offer more (I can't get students out of my room--I get their life stories when no one else does!).  What I find to my great surprise is that about 50% of sophomores alone are already sexually active and I take a strong stance and tell the girls to quit being used for "target practice."  Maybe that's happening in her school and she avoids going out and stays overweight because it takes strength to say "no" in high school.  Another GIANT reason?  It breaks my heart that many of my students are jaded.  They have been given everything on the planet since they were toddlers and they have a "been-there-done-that" attitude which makes me crazy.  PLEASE DON'T MISCONSTRUE:  I am not saying that is true about your daughter.  What parents in my school have done is take their kids to food banks and actually sign them up to work for what they want--especially at charitable organizations.  They note a great change of attitude.  They finally begin to realize the plethora of blessings they have and mature from it.  Give it a try--it's so obvious that you love her!

I could attack you for the 'sickeningly' comment, but that would do your daughter no good.  You are out of touch with what motivates her.  Noone here can tell you to 'do this, or that' and all will be well.  You need to evaluate some options yourself, and take time to think of all the possible outcomes (not just the ones you want to see, but realistic outcomes based on your daughter).  Most importantly, remember your child, whether you know it or not, is most hurt and helped by your words.  You are the person she looks at as being as close to God as there is.  Think about how you looked at your parents before you knew they were human.  Good luck and please try to see your child through your eyes as they were when you were a child as well.