I met a really nice guy but he turns out to be, well, a bit of a stoner. I'm smoked in the past and I have friends who still do it, but I don't think I would like to be in a relationship with someone who does it too often, and he does. Do you think I can change him? Should I even try?
So often people will meet someone and say, "Wow, I really like that person, now how can I change him/her?".
All true change, in a person, happens from within. Trying to remake another person can appear to happen on the outside, but if it isn't really felt in the heart, it is not a lasting change.
Perhaps this person would be a nice person for a casual friend instead of a love interest? Relationships are difficult enough without starting out wanting to change each other. I think you may find you are glad you have waited to meet someone that you think already fits your desires in a relationship.
One thing you can do, though it sounds simple and silly, is write down what you do want in a relationship, and go ahead and revise it as time goes on. It helps us to focus on what we do want so we will recognize it when we see it.
Good luck!
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my experience is that you cannot change anybody. All we can do is love and accept them as they are. He will change if he wants to, if he sees enough light and motivation in his life for something other than dope.
You should take a look at the current situation and choose. Do you get something out of this connection? is the sex good? is conversation enlightening? great. enjoy it as long as you care to, and then if it no longer suits you move on. If you are right now looking for a father for your children or a guy to marry and have him provide for you - well you know the answer to that don't you...?
tough one...
I don't think you should say anything right away... what you should do is make him realize he'll loose you if he keeps it up. be subtle about it though.. usually stoners like to stay at home and chill.. so suggest doing something active on your dates... a real stoner will back out - and that's when you tell him what a great party he missed.. maybe wait a couple of days before you call him again.. in other words.. let him assume the worst and maybe he'll cool it down a bit.. ;)
good luck!
You can't change anyone, as many others have said "change comes from within" and if a person wants to change they will. You really need to evaluate the individual. If he's the type to burn fatties all day and only leave the house to score more pot then he's a loser, not worth the effort. However if he's a casual toker but function normally in sociaty whats wrong with that. I personally have been a toker my whole life and its never interfered with my responcibilities as a husband, father, lover or employee. If anything its given me a better insight on life.
Don't even try! He will resent you for it.
Both of my long term relationships have been ruined by drug use. SAD.
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