Crazy or Enlightened?

Hi,

    If you are diagnosed by a Psychiatrist as psychotic, continue taking your meds

so you'll get well soon.

Take care.

First of all, never stop meds. without a doctors consent. It can cause awkwardness, on the other hand, you may be finding yourself..only your doctor knows you and your workings! Don't accept anything from anyone and continue to experience life, question it! These are all good things! There are no definate answers to life, and searching for one can give a sense of satisfaction. Don't think you are crazy for thinking deeper into things, hell that is what Einstien and Aristotle did! I makes life worth living when you question things and don't just go with the flow like a zombie. That may be a lot of problems that we experience nowadays, just going with the mainstream. Veer of course at your liking and see what it brings you :) Best wishes!

    I will address this from another angle; however, it is not my place to recommend any change in your use of prescription medication, or the advice of your doctor.

    You expressed an interest in certain aspects of a different nature,  other than  the medical observations. This is what can be termed as "Before the End." The stress between one step and the next. The imbalance in between the steps may cause difficulty for an individual attempting to evolve. This is an expression of a "Healing Crisis." When ever change is afoot, there will be a crisis of sorts, depending on the significance and nature of the change.

    Awareness brings with it responsibility, and this takes practice. We decide for ourselves the challenges we face. We make these decisions through our observations of our environment. These observations are based on an individual's thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. So it becomes a give and take with energy. The recognition of one's environment reinforces the beliefs that actually helped to propell this reality into being. 

    The intensity of the changes an individual strives to make will create a crisis simply because of the change in flow of energy. There will be a "lag" or hesitation in which it appears that things are not moving forward, possibly even moving backward. At this point, stress can build creating difficulties when before, there were none. During this period of time (the healing crisis) there can be any number of situations that may come up to "defend" an "old accepted" way of thinking. We are, each of us, addicted to the way we think. When we work to make changes in our thinking, it is possible to experience "withdrawal" type symptoms. These symptoms can manifest in any number of ways depending on the "make up" of the individual involved.

    We are all learning how to handle energy. This takes practice. You are practicing. You have the awareness needed for your individual focus, however, because of the intensity involved, one sometimes needs help. This I recommend because this type of challenge suggests some guidance.

   In the meantime, while you explore your psyche, I suggest that you continue your medication. The medication is a means of "grounding" you while you learn, and teach yourself who you are.

   Awareness is everything. Do not be afraid of your awareness, rather understand that it is a strength. A tool used for creativity and Joy. Give yourself the space necessary to learn and grow. This is your challenge.

                        With Kind Regards,

                                                   Daniel

I am actually alot like you, I am contstantly trying to progress what I believe by...viewing it, thinking about it, eating it, digesting it, excreting it, viewing it, thinking about it...rinse and repeat.  My area of focus has been within the realm of art and literature.  Especially exestentialism and how it relates to religion (which is what I got my doctorate in :D)  Like you, I often plummeted into deep emotional holes and would dwell in them until I fell asleep.  I would wake up, and crawl back out and just get on with the day.  What I found is that you do not need to nessecarilly live within your emotions to reach an ultimate realization of sorts on life.  The bottom line is that you will never be satisfied with what you percieve as reality and you will never be satisfied to accept what you believe.  By constantly seeking the answers, never being satisfied with "just enough", you will never be happy with what you believe, because it is your nature to constantly question and never comprimise your beliefs.  You are not crazy, just insanely passionate.  The thing that freed me from my cycle was my decision to become a teacher.  I have a love of books and literature that i daresay parallels my love of people and for me to direct all of this passion and energy into an area that can help others, I think is wonderful, and it has been very helpful for me and my students love the way I always push them to seek more than what the words say on the page.   I have been able to channel my passion into getting others passionate about what I am passionate about.  When I say freed, I dont mean I dont question anything anymore, I just mean that I do not have to fall into depressions or mood swings to explore my beliefs. 

 I also find so much beauty in nature and I think being connected with nature allows us a connection and an understanding with life that is a thing of beauty.  But at the end of the day, the thing that stopped me from depression and mood swings was this:

medication and the view that things will happen whether you want them to or not, and things will not get done unless you do them.  There is nothing else to do but to do what is neccesary and expected of us in regards to our obligations.  If we have a paper due, we have to do it, if we dont, we do not progress (in a sense).  If we dont it will never get done.  If we have to finish college, we have to do it, otherwise it will never be done. Kind of a nothin to it but to do it.

I took medication and I am currently off of it, and I am eternally greatful I did.  After getting over my mood swings and depression, I directed all of the pent up passion I had within me towards something I loved, and I think that you should do the same :).

But, from first hand experience, continue to take your meds.  I was on them for about 6 years until my doctor took me off of them and I am happy today.  I enjoy my teaching more than most people would, and I still have not comprimised my beliefs.

Good Luck and Safe Travels my friend :)

and my speciality lies in books, not spelling and grammar :) lol, but if you would like any help with this, please feel free to contact me.  If I am not mistaken I went through almost the exact same thing you are going through, and I turned out ok :)