Confusion in relationship

Sandy, I don't know if you live in the U.S.A. If you do, talk to him and tell him what bothers you. Ask him if you could both see a marriage counselor. If he does not love you anymore, then find a lawyer to help you file for a divorce. He will help you to get a great alimony and you will be granted one half of both of your properties. There is no sense suffering and not being happy in the marriage. You need to be able to support yourself, get a job and start all over again. Then you'll feel happy about yourself and maybe you'll find a loving man in the future. Good luck to you and take care.

honey, make yourself happy.. and do what you have to do to go on with your life.. Please don't put yourself in danger.. you can do this ..have hope and trust in your higher power...

You are telling me that your husband never got what he wanted--a doctor,  young wife due to deceit. That was jot a good way to start a marriage. He may very well resent this now. He doesn't love you or your family? Have you actually talked to him about this or have you decided this on your own? Men sometimes are verbally abusive and physical also to one they love. That is a poor way of showing it I know. You must get some communication going above all. If you can do this just between the two of you, great, but if not you must get him to talk to a therapist, or your spiritual leader who can help you to communicate. You really need a trained counselor to deal with two strong personalities who are doctors. Communications is the first key to solving any problem. He has already said he does not trust you.

You hate having sex with him which is understandable in a strained relataionship. Sex needs love to make it meaningful. Again a trained therapist could help. Right now you don't know really where you stand.  It is amazing how some troubles marriages can to saved if two people want it to be so. The greatest concern is for your children. They love both of you. They don't want a divorce! Divorce is seen as the easy way out. If this is what you must do, I would not want you to stay in an unhappy relationship and be abused for your whole life. I would want you to on and get your divorce. However, that is the hardest on the children. A bit of work on your marriage could bring a lot of reward if two of you are willing. It wold help your brother who is in business with your husband. In the long run you must do what you must do.I hope he will work with you. If you don't find a solution your anger will continue to build and that spells bigger trouble.

Finally, whatever happens, you said you said you are attractive. You also have a Ph.D and there is a job out there somewhere. Don't give up. Persons who keep searching eventually find what they are looking for. Yes, it seems hopeless at times, but one cannot give in to depressing feelings. God bless you and yours.

find a NLP shift your way of thinking get him there to if he wishes to keep you in his life else leave and empower yourself and move on.

You need to leave IMMEDIATELY! Find a shelter if you have no place to go like battered women's shelter. You say your children are attached to him, they are attached to a mad man who is ABUSING their mother,you are doing more harm to your children staying. I have been there I was mentally abused for 18 yrs and finally got out. I was afraid I could not support 5 children alone but I did and I didn't have a big college degree. I went to nursing school worked day and night. Took my smallest child age 1.5 at the time to school and work with me. It was rough but the best thing I could have done. Wish i would have left a lot sooner.

I am sorry but I do not quite believe you. You say that you completed your Ph.D. two years ago and all that schooling did not give you any insights, did not teach you how to spell and express yourself, earn you no respect from your husband? Please, speak honestly!

Yes you arre cought in a catch 22 position so as you say you cannot make love to him and enjoy it then you have a problem my best advice to you ( if your not like what your in laws are or expect you to be then you dont belong married ) You are what you are so you are not perfect what has that have to do anything about it as not every one is so called beautiful but beauty is only is only skin deep. What your husband wanted he should have keept on looking for. In his own mind he is not happy with you have him look in a mirror and see if he is perfect as no one is that i know and he wants you to stoop to that level. In my most honest openion after looking at what you say my advice to you is get out befor the real abuse starts this is only the start of things to come as it can end up worse than it is and why do you say you cant leave him. As you better get out while you can yes you have children but ask them to be truthful with you and tell you the the truth as they might be scared of him and wont give you an answer. Now you as a person look at your self for the good qualityes in your self not at what he wants you to be as that is not you as a person. You cant change what you are or who you are as you dont have to change for any body just be who you are. But get the he-- out while you can for your own sake as talking with a shrink as that is not your answer nor will end your problems i can only say D-I-V-O-R-C-E is the only answer to this problem as i have seen it to many times before get out.

I really don't understand what you're saying concerning your marriage-the way you worded it is rather confusing,however, I know one thing to be true-noone should feel they have to stay in a loveless marriage. Life is so short, & if you stay in this marriage & 10 yrs. down the line you look back & say to yourself "where did my life go? Why did I spend this presious time being merserable?" Staying in a marriage for the sake of your children is a mistake because kids are very perseptive-they will pick up on the fact that this is a loveless marriage. Why do you feel you MUST  stay in this relationship? You deserve to be loved & treated with respect. Counseling could help-if you both agree to it. But keep in mind that your happiness will reflect on your children. Being in a state of constant conflict will only cause misery for you & your children. You must put them first. I hope this helps-let me know how things work out. Best of luck & God Bless.