Confused for years

  Counseling could be very helpful here.  Since you are remarried it would seem you have tried to move on  on your own.  Something you feel you need is tied to that relationship or that time in your life. You have to explore what it is that is making you want to hold on to that person.  Sometimes it’s not really about that person at all.

If you are still hung-up on your ex, why did you remarry in the first place? It is unfair to the person you are currently with to still be carrying a torch for someone else. Either get a divorce and try to get back with your ex or get into therapy and get over him once and for all. You can't have your cake and eat too.

Part of maturity is leaving the past behind, and taking responsibility for your current actions. You can't juggle men around like tennis balls for your own entertainment. Either make a life with the partner you have or cut him loose to find someone who is faithful to him in heart and mind. What you are doing is not fair to him!