Confused

Diana,

     There is nothing you can do now that you have broken up.  He has the right to talk with anybody.  You can't force anyone to stay with you or love you, sorry about that.  I know it will hurt for a while, but you need to move on with your life.  You need to focus your attention to your kids for a while before jumping into another relationship.

   Take good care.

Hi Diana,

    I understand how you feel towards him.  It's not easy to get over relationships.

My question is, how many children do you have?  How old are they?  Why did he break up with you?  You know,  I have male friends who tell me that it's not easy to walk in a permanent relationship if there are children less than 18 years old or are still at home.  These men are getting smarter and smarter. They want to enjoy their woman as long as they don't support her children.  It is a very great responsibility taking over the role of a father because it is not that simple.  So I have a hunch that your boyfriend does not really want to commit to you deeply because of financial and moral responsibilities.  As long as he can come and go, enjoy sex with you once in a while and then go to the other woman to supply his extra sexual needs, he's in good shape.   So, I 'm talking to you woman to woman, you may love him, but be smart, don't be fooled just because he takes you out to movies or dinners, then you'll give in and just be used.  That is our fault as women, we let men take advantage of us.  If he has good intentions, he would not just keep using you for sex, but would respect you and take you and your kids, be there for you and for them, help you financially because you're providing such good service. 

     Don't give your body anymore if he is not going to commit to you in a marriage.  he's getting the benefits without giving anything in return.

    So if that's what he wants , to be friends, then just be friends, nothing more.  Don't make yourself so cheap that he can come and go as he pleases, sleeps with you and then what?

   We women have the decision.  If we want to be respected, we have to set standards for ourselves, maintain our self-respect and dignity.  How can others respect us if we don't respect ourselves?

   Please don't be upset with me, I just feel that I have to share my views with you as I would share with my sister or my best friend.  Good luck and take good care.  I wish you the best and I don't want to see you hurt by this man.

Diana ~

Just because he doesn't want to keep dating you doesn't mean he doesn't still care for you.  What you need to tell him is that you still have strong feelings for him, and at least for now, you cannot have him in your life as a friend.  He should understand that.  I don't think he was trying to hurt you or that he was being selfish.  It is hard to find the person that is perfect for us, so when we find people with many of the traits we desire, we don't simply want them gone from our life.  Be honest with him, and if he wants to be your friend, he will pull back to give you time to heal.

Take plenty of time to heal.  Remember that every man you bring into your life, you bring into your children's lives as well.  Breakups are hard on them too, so make sure there is a real possibility of long-term commitment before introducing them to your kids.

Hang in there, Sweetie! 

Hey Diana, I'm sorry to hear about your broken heart. My immediate thought is that it is selfish of the person who is leaving the relationship to say "I want us to be friends". This is dangerous ground for you, as you didn't want the relationship to end and having this "friendship" with him might keep you a prisoner of hope. Only you know if this is the case with you. What do you want from a friend? Can he be there truly as a friend? Do your kids depend on him? There are some other factors involved here. As well as your feelings and hopes for the future, you also have to think of how all this affects your kids. I suspect that if he's not willing to be in the picture fully, then you must be the strong one and tell him to go absolutely. This leaves the space free for someone else to appear. I'm guessing you already have "friends" that don't all of a sudden leave your life. Stick with them. Show him the door. If he really misses you and wants to be in your life again, he can work for it. Right now, take care of you and your kids.