You would be surprised how much kids value their family. Don't mistake not wanting to do something that is torture to a kid who would rather be with friends for not having a strong attachment. Let them bring a friend (benefit to you is that you will get to know the other influences in their lives).  Try to let them have input if it is possible. Take turns "getting your way" where activities are concerned. I have watched more cartoons and kid movies as an adult than I ever did growing up but we talk, she asks questions and she feels valued that I would spend time doing something she likes...she is then more willing to do something for another family member. I have tried to teach her not to be concerned only with her own interests but to participate for others, family first.