Love many ~ trust few ~ always paddle your own canoe.
Ailie Noobiesnots Charter Member of S.N.O.T.S.
Having a "situation" with my beloved Goddaughter and need some advice. This actually comes from me AND her mother ~ my cousin Mary.
Ever love a child unconditionally and want to just scream because of their behavior?
That's kinda where I'm at right now.
She has been lying to me and her parents ~CONSTANTLY!!!!!!
Taking things that are not hers from both of our homes ~ STOLE MY CREDIT CARD OUT OF MY WALLET to get an internet subscription thru her Wii system (oh Lordy I was pissed ~ it was $10.68, but I am flabbergasted that she would be so bold to do something like that!!)
She didn't think I'd notice (doesn't understand that we get credit card statements showing activity and I only use my VISA maybe 2-3 times a year for emergencies only ~ I am NOT a credit card user....)
She told me that she took my credit card out of my wallet and all she needed was the city, state, county, and zip code to do so ~ I made her pay me back and she is now banned from use of the Wii system in both my home and her parents' home.
She created a youtube account but was unable to read her incoming mail for some reason.
When her Mother (my cousin) and I checked, she had all these incredibly scary and DISGUSTING emails from men all over the world....reminded me of those shows called "To Catch A Predator" on television.
Some said "you're hot ~ feel like being naughty with me?" from men 30+ years of age.
She will be 12 (TWELVE!!!!!!!!!!!) in November.
Her Mom and I both cried and were almost ready to puke (literally)
This was discovered while she was away at a school trip for 4 days (camping up north) and when confronted, she did tell us that she got access thru her Wii and stole my credit card.
Her parents and I are just not sure what to do ~ she seems to be "sorry" for a short period of time, but I have since found out that she has stolen other items from me and from her Mother.
Started with little things like makeup and nail polish, but the credit card and money she has stolen just scares the crap out of us all.
My cousin is fit to be tied, and I since I take care for my Goddaughter every day after school and will be watching her while her folks are at work this summer, my trust factor with her is ZERO.
My cuz and I both went to Walmart and bought these tackle box like things and got combination locks for them ~ her access to Wii and her Nintendo DS are locked up in them.
We both lock our computers prior to logging off so she can't sneak in and get online.
I'm also troubled that 5 of her "best friends" have youtube and myspace accounts (all are age 11) and wonder if we should tell their parents. We have not done so as of yet, but it realllllllly worries me. SOOOOOO many freaks out there!!!!!
If you were in this situation, what would you do?
What punishment can make her actually REALIZE that what she has done is wrong? (she seems to not "get it" whatsoever)
Would you warn the parents of her friends or leave it be?
My cousin and I were both raised in VERY strict environments, and we just don't understand why she can't stop doing what she is doing.
This is the first summer out of ALLLLLLL the years I have watched her during summer vacation that I am actually not really looking forward to it, and it really sux.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
~Ailie~ (and Mary)
NOTE: She is an only child, a straight A/honor roll student, is NEVER in trouble, and is incredibly loved, cared for, not ignored, listened to and is such a special girl. Guess that's why this breaks my heart so much.
I just don't understand why she is acting out and/or where this is coming from ~
And just a p.s. ~ I am her Godmother ~ not her parent ~ so I can only do so much....yannow???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update as of today 6-9-09:
Just had a wonderful hour long chat with one of my coworkers on the PD (Sgt. Paul rawks with kids) He's a DARE officer and works in the schools as a liaison.
Coming from a police family and only having a father that would hit first and ask questions later, I wanted to talk to someone my own age to see what he had to say.
He works with kids all year long and said that I did well by making her pay me back, but now it's consquence time. Something that will REALLY make her understand that what she did was wrong and discourage her from every trying again.
His best advice was this:
"She took money and used your credit card illegally?"
"Figure out what it added up to and make her do that many hours of your own version of 'community service' at the house or for the neighbors."
He said he went thru this with his son at the same age and made him take everything out of the garage (except what was on the walls), put it in the driveway, sweep out the garage, dust all the shelves and various tools and such on them, wash the doors going in and outside, and put everything back neatly. After doing so, he had to sweep and hose off the driveway.
His son moaned and groaned and complained cuz it took over 4 hours, but he has never done (whatever it was he had done) since. That was 5 years ago.
He said the main thing is that "I'm sorry" or "Here's the money I took and I'm paying you back" is NOT enough.
CONSEQUENCES ARE.
So, her Mother and I are making a list of things for her to do for HER consquences ~ if you can think of anything you'd do if it was your child (or godchild in my case) ~ please feel free to add your ideas ~ we'd love to see what you come up with.
And to the person who said that if we have to lock up the game controllers and things shows we have no control over the child, my cop friend kindly said
AND I QUOTE:
"whoever told you that is full of it ~ you're being a concerned adult ~ so tell 'em to blow it out their ass!!!"
Turn off the television and teach your children how to think.
_______________________________________________
*I do not read or write anything in the "Comments" section.*
Ailie, I don't know what to tell you about this; fortunately I never had anything so bad with my three.
My youngest did have a tendency to lie (still does, actually) but I almost always catch him out so I don't know why he bothers.
I wouldn't bother telling her friends' parents about the My Space, etcetera. Sad to say it, but they probably already know. Many parents seem to think that it's no big deal if their kids have access to social networking sites; I know my ex allowed his two sons to do it. (I think it's stupid, but what do I know?)
If you think it would help, you might try arranging a tour of juvenile hall for your young miscreant. If nothing else, it might make her think - just a tiny bit - about the path she's on.
Other than that, I'm sure things will come up that she wants to do. If she's denied a few of them due to her lies and her actions, that may also be a wake-up call.
Meanwhile, cross your fingers and pray a lot. In my experience, that's what most of us do, anyhow!
I looked up and saw the world and wondered....
Perhaps your time together this summer will give you just the time you need with your Godchild. Above all, a child forms thier opinion of right & wrong from the people they care the most for. At eleven, she is being bombarded with media wants ,wishes and curiosity. Jkgrandma saying "turn off the television and teach your children to think" basically says it all. Try doing some silly, fun things with her this summer. An eleven year old girl is like a little sponge. Soaking up all the information she can. I agree she needs to be punished, but the need for actual locks show her you have no control. Set your boundries for her but don't loose sight of the fact she is a smart little girl that shows she likes to please just by her grades. Hang onto your hat, children will take you on a journey that can leave you breathless at times. Prayer and patience become your mantra.
"I find it very very easy to be true" (Walk the Line/Johnny Cash)
call your local social services office - tell them you have a child out of control (she is) - ask for assistance in getting this kid into counseling. And please, be the parent - this kid has enough FRIENDS.
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Washing windows is a crummy job. So is scrubbing the floor, especially if you have to do it on your hands and knees to get the black scuff marks off.
Cleaning up the neighbor's yard after their dogs - every day for a month - would most likely be torture. Especially in the hot weather and if any of her friends live nearby and might see her.
I'm sure you'll be able to think of more.
I quess I would be the person full of ~ that you are supposed to tell to blow it out my ass. My apologies if I offended you. That was not my intent. My question would be why would you post a question on the internet if you only want to validate your own opinion? I raised three children that are educated, successful and kind. I shutter to think they would seek the opinions of strangers only to respond as you have. Obviously i must have touched a nerve and I am sorry. Good luck to you and the child.
I wasn't trying to be mean or nasty to you at all and I DO appreciate your opinion and reply, Kelly.
When I went to update & find who posted that quote, I was unable to, so I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. Wasn't my intention whatsoever. I had so much on my mind that even though it was right in front of my nose, I didn't see it. MY bad.
Sgt. Paul has worked with kids in the school district for over 20 years and has 2 kids similar in age of his own. While I was speaking with him, I remembered that SOMEONE had said that and wanted his opinion.
He said that if neither of us had bothered to lock up what got her onto the internet (and/or if neither of us bothered to call him/check into things or had just let it go) ~ THAT'S when he would be concerned/worried.
I apologize if I made you feel bad or offended you.
~Ailie
Thanx Gram ~ I have 2 dogs of my own, and she has several pets as well. SHE ABHORS picking up dog doo doo and cleaning cat boxes, so those are DEFINITELY on the list!
Your other suggestions are great too ~ let me know if you come up with more!
*hugz*
You're welcome, Ailie.
Sorting recycling (if your area recycles paper, food containers and the like) can also be yucky; especially if people forgot to rinse out the containers and she was responsible to make sure they were clean before they go into the bins.
Starting a compost pile and maintaining it by collecting and adding the food scraps would also be gross (I'm betting). And it would have a good end result that she would then have to use the compost to help plant stuff in the garden - double whammy!
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