Having a "situation" with my beloved Goddaughter and need some advice. This actually comes from me AND her mother ~ my cousin Mary.
Ever love a child unconditionally and want to just scream because of their behavior?
That's kinda where I'm at right now.
She has been lying to me and her parents ~CONSTANTLY!!!!!!
Taking things that are not hers from both of our homes ~ STOLE MY CREDIT CARD OUT OF MY WALLET to get an internet subscription thru her Wii system (oh Lordy I was pissed ~ it was $10.68, but I am flabbergasted that she would be so bold to do something like that!!)
She didn't think I'd notice (doesn't understand that we get credit card statements showing activity and I only use my VISA maybe 2-3 times a year for emergencies only ~ I am NOT a credit card user....)
She told me that she took my credit card out of my wallet and all she needed was the city, state, county, and zip code to do so ~ I made her pay me back and she is now banned from use of the Wii system in both my home and her parents' home.
She created a youtube account but was unable to read her incoming mail for some reason.
When her Mother (my cousin) and I checked, she had all these incredibly scary and DISGUSTING emails from men all over the world....reminded me of those shows called "To Catch A Predator" on television.
Some said "you're hot ~ feel like being naughty with me?" from men 30+ years of age.
She will be 12 (TWELVE!!!!!!!!!!!) in November.
Her Mom and I both cried and were almost ready to puke (literally)
This was discovered while she was away at a school trip for 4 days (camping up north) and when confronted, she did tell us that she got access thru her Wii and stole my credit card.
Her parents and I are just not sure what to do ~ she seems to be "sorry" for a short period of time, but I have since found out that she has stolen other items from me and from her Mother.
Started with little things like makeup and nail polish, but the credit card and money she has stolen just scares the crap out of us all.
My cousin is fit to be tied, and I since I take care for my Goddaughter every day after school and will be watching her while her folks are at work this summer, my trust factor with her is ZERO.
My cuz and I both went to Walmart and bought these tackle box like things and got combination locks for them ~ her access to Wii and her Nintendo DS are locked up in them.
We both lock our computers prior to logging off so she can't sneak in and get online.
I'm also troubled that 5 of her "best friends" have youtube and myspace accounts (all are age 11) and wonder if we should tell their parents. We have not done so as of yet, but it realllllllly worries me. SOOOOOO many freaks out there!!!!!
If you were in this situation, what would you do?
What punishment can make her actually REALIZE that what she has done is wrong? (she seems to not "get it" whatsoever)
Would you warn the parents of her friends or leave it be?
My cousin and I were both raised in VERY strict environments, and we just don't understand why she can't stop doing what she is doing.
This is the first summer out of ALLLLLLL the years I have watched her during summer vacation that I am actually not really looking forward to it, and it really sux.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
~Ailie~ (and Mary)
NOTE: She is an only child, a straight A/honor roll student, is NEVER in trouble, and is incredibly loved, cared for, not ignored, listened to and is such a special girl. Guess that's why this breaks my heart so much.
I just don't understand why she is acting out and/or where this is coming from ~
And just a p.s. ~ I am her Godmother ~ not her parent ~ so I can only do so much....yannow???
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Update as of today 6-9-09:
Just had a wonderful hour long chat with one of my coworkers on the PD (Sgt. Paul rawks with kids) He's a DARE officer and works in the schools as a liaison.
Coming from a police family and only having a father that would hit first and ask questions later, I wanted to talk to someone my own age to see what he had to say.
He works with kids all year long and said that I did well by making her pay me back, but now it's consquence time. Something that will REALLY make her understand that what she did was wrong and discourage her from every trying again.
His best advice was this:
"She took money and used your credit card illegally?"
"Figure out what it added up to and make her do that many hours of your own version of 'community service' at the house or for the neighbors."
He said he went thru this with his son at the same age and made him take everything out of the garage (except what was on the walls), put it in the driveway, sweep out the garage, dust all the shelves and various tools and such on them, wash the doors going in and outside, and put everything back neatly. After doing so, he had to sweep and hose off the driveway.
His son moaned and groaned and complained cuz it took over 4 hours, but he has never done (whatever it was he had done) since. That was 5 years ago.
He said the main thing is that "I'm sorry" or "Here's the money I took and I'm paying you back" is NOT enough.
CONSEQUENCES ARE.
So, her Mother and I are making a list of things for her to do for HER consquences ~ if you can think of anything you'd do if it was your child (or godchild in my case) ~ please feel free to add your ideas ~ we'd love to see what you come up with.
And to the person who said that if we have to lock up the game controllers and things shows we have no control over the child, my cop friend kindly said
AND I QUOTE:
"whoever told you that is full of it ~ you're being a concerned adult ~ so tell 'em to blow it out their ass!!!"
