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Cheating scar

my girlfriend and i have been dating for 2 years now and i absolutely love her. Our relationship is pretty flawless in almost every way and im pretty sure she is the one for me. however in the beginnings of the relationship, she kissed four different guys at various parties after getting unbelievably drunk. I took her back and after the last one she completely changed for me and things have been amazing. I am worried that the beginnings have left a scar. Though it has been around a year and a half i do not completely trust her again and i am very jealous. If she goes out i have thoughts about her cheating again and flirting and dirty dancing with other guys. They are thoughts which i can convince myself are stupid but i do not want to have to convince myself. I occasionally have dreams where she cheats on me again, mimicking the behaviour she once showed. I intend to spend my life with this girl but i cant go on with this raging jealousy and it is unfair on her to be in a relationship where she is not trusted. This is my problem and i wish to know if there is any obvioius reason why it has affected me so deeply and i cant recover after such a long time of amazing love-filled relationship. She is my first in all areas if this helps thanks


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Jay
4463 answers
1268 helpful answers

Glass sculpture, Chihuly at Grant's Farm; http://www.chihuly.com

Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.

Discuss your feelings with her and get the both of you into counseling. (If the counselor says that only you need to be there, OK; but start with the two of you.) If she is unwilling to do this, then her refusal bodes ill for a permanent relationship.

Jay
Posted 2009-08-23T02:46:39Z
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733 answers
226 helpful answers

Home improvement projects, "Get'er done."

First of all, feelings are feelings, you can’t control them.  You can only learn how to deal with them. Though I am married most of my friends are women and I often hear them say, “A cheater is a cheater.” It’s not wrong for you to be with her if you don’t trust her. It’s harmful to your sanity to be with someone that you don’t trust. It can cause you undue stress, feelings of inadequacy, and rage. If she has displayed this type of behavior in the beginning of your relationship then there is a good chance that that is the type of person that she is. Of course it’s always going to be in the back of your mind. You can choose to forgive her, but don’t forget. She’s got to show you that she’s willing to make a change and since you’re not sure if she’s creeping on you, make sure that you use protection. Good luck.
Posted 2009-08-23T02:58:55Z
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8452 answers
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
Hope I can be direct and blunt and don't need to dugarcoat my words.  She is not  the problem, YOU are the problem.  Those things happend more than 1.5 years ago.  By staying with her you forgave her.  And she never repeated her behavior.  As I can feel, your relations since than got better and better.  Now you want to raise your relations one (or more) step up but you are not sure.   That is NOT fair !.  You fogave her, trusted her (not to repeat it) and she proved to be loyal and loving to you so you are now unfair to her.  If you have problems with yourself treat them (good experienced psychologist) but don't blame others (her).  Besides she did it when she was drunk, so limit her to only social drinking and make sure she never gets drunk again. 
Best regards,
Posted 2009-08-23T03:57:30Z
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782 answers
177 helpful answers

Open the pod bay doors HAL

Kevin, I don't know how old you are but most adults don't define kissing another person as cheating ("she kissed four different guys"???) so if she hasn't "kissed" another guy for a year and a half you're safe, so you need to get by that. She sounds like a nice girl and you should appreciate her 18 months of being faithful or be prepared to lose her. Girls will put up with a lot, but there is a limit, and the chances are she's aware of your jealousy and insecurity. Ask yourdelf, would I be better off with or without her and proceed accordingly. 
Posted 2009-08-23T10:29:02Z
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guys i appreciate you trying but all you are doing is recapping what i said. OronD; i know i am the problem and i know it was 1.5 years ago, i was there. I just want to know if anyone knows why it has left such a big scar and how to overcome this. gary999; i know i should appreciate her and i do. Also, what is everyone talking about taking the relationship a step further? help me out please
Posted 2009-08-25T10:24:19Z
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Rated #5 out of 5

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