Hi,i am 21 and I have a loving boyfriend of nearly 5 years. We grew up together and went through alot. We even made love once before to consumnate the relationship as I had to go off to further my studies. It wasn't because of lust but because I wanted to give myself to him. The first six months without him was bearable.
Then, I went abroad. I'm studying medicine and I'm feeling lonely and insecured about my friendships here. Many of my friends are coupling up. I have good friends but somehow, guys are always around for them. No guy dared to approach me because they knew I have a bf. I had no one until this guy came along. He was also in a long distance relationship and thats how we became friends. I was close to him and he frenched me on one night because he developed feelings for me ( we spent quite a lot of time together). I told my boyfriend about it and he was upset.
we broke up a while but after that, he forgave me and I promised not to do anything silly again. I promised him that and promised to be truthful to him too. However, i remained close friends with the guy friend of mine due to the care and attention he showered me. I like the fact that when I had no one, he was there for me, to accompany me for meals , to buy things etc.
Then, again, on one night, we were chatting and he playfully kissed me on my cheek and ears. I know he likes me alot because he was already having problems with his gf. I didn't push him away but let him kissed on until I got turned on and we made out. As there was a curfew for the hostels, we both couldnt go back to our respective hostels and had to stay overnight in a friend's house where we made out more.
Problem is, I like this guy and I know he likes me a lot. But I don't love him. He's not somebody I want to marry. And now to realise that I've let my feelings took control of me, I don't know what to do. My boyfriend loves me dearly and I can't bring myself to tell him the truth that I cheated on him again. But yet, the guilt inside is killing me. I don't know how to pretend nothing happened and be sweet to him as normal. He's a good guy and we are very suitable together and he's the guy I want to marry. But I guess I cannot handle the long distance relationship. I feel empty and I feel lonely. What should I do? The friend told me he wouldn't tell my bf about it. As much as he likes me, he knows I will be sad and he doesn't want to cause the breakup. But yet, I'm paranoid...
