Ive recently started seeing a guy that Ive known ...

I think that in a situation like this when you are dealing with someone who was damaged badly from tragedy, everything just needs to go slower.  I know it can get frustrating at times, not knowing if you will ever really reach that point in which you won't have to struggle with this doubt anymore, but you need to decide whether it's worth your time.  It sounds to me like this man is worth your time.  So making that assumption, I think that you really just need to sit him down and have a straight-forward conversation.  Tell him what you just told us... how your  loss in life isn't at all the same, but you want to be there for him.  You want to see him live his life, happily, and you'd love to be a part of it.  Tell him that you don't want him to rush  anything, that you don't need him to say or do anything right away.  Say that you want to grow together and build something special, that you're not going anywhere.  Maybe these words are what he needs to take just one step forward, and then more steps down the road, however slow those steps might be.  Good luck. 

Hi,

I would like to add an additional comment to the two excellent postings. Dr John Gray's book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," will help you better understand the thought processes of men and especially men who have been hurt. They usually withdraw into themselves until the negative stimulus has gone. This could be an argument with his wife or worse still and the most traumatic, the death of a beloved wife. You might well be the first woman he has met to show him sympathy and understanding. He already made the first few steps out of his cave thanks to you. I think you should not pressure him too much and leave bedroom activity for a much later stage. If your relationship continues and slowly develops with you, I think you will find that he will be ready to take the big step with no fear or trepidation. I think it is worth the extra time both for you and for him.