Affairs Breaking up Marriage

I don't think that affairs are always reason enough to break up a marriage; it depends on the circumstances of the affair. I would personally ask how long the affair has been going on and try to figure out my partner's motivation in reaching out to someone else. If I felt that our relationship could be repared through counseling and/or a lot of hard work, and I truly loved my partner, then I would give "us" another chance.

I think it is hard to reconcile when your partner has stepped out of the relationship (aka "cheated"). We all deserve someone who will be mature and faithful. If you would not cheat on your partner, as tempting as it may be (and there is temptation in everyone's life), you'd expect the same from your partner. However, I think if the urge and opportunity are there, and a person is thinking of cheating, the best thing he can ask himself is "what am I missing from my current relationship that I'm seeking it elsewhere?" If a person can answer that question, and come up with an answer and solution to fix that problem, then he's beaten temptation. 

I think it's impossible for a reconciliation with a partner who has cheated multiple times with multiple people. There is just no excuse for that.

Like Guru said above there is always temptation.Those who can't fight it simply should not be married to those who believe in fidelity.If you don't have an open relationship,and you agree to be monogamous,there is no excuse for screwing around.When I was married,my husband went off to Iraq and within a month was engaged to someone he met there.I took my wedding vows very seriously and never in a million years thought of divorce as a get out of jail free card.I went to therapy and did alot of soul searching while he begged me over the phone everyday to take him back.When I realized I couldn't forgive him I bailed.You can't be with someone unless you trust them.What's the point?

Personally, I would not stay with someone who has cheated on me.  Once the trust is gone, what do you have?  I really don't believe in second chances either.   These days women do not need to stay in a relationship when the man has strayed.  Back in the day, maybe because women did not work, had children and no help.  These days are different and I just would not put up with it.  I would give him the boot.

I have to tell you from very recent personal experience that it depends alot on the two people. I never would've imagined that my husband would ever cheat on me. Then in November he started visiting different sex sites and relationship sites, some telling them that he was divorced and a couple he said he was married and looking for discrete sex on the side. This type of behavior was always something that he found repulsive in other men, looking at porn whether on the net or television he found disgusting... and yet here he was, now doing what he considered to be so lowly and trying to find other women outside of me. He began getting distant at home and acting not like himself.... and then slowly what was going on began to unravel... and it almost ended our marriage, because I didn't know what was going on or why he was acting that way. Then I found out what he was doing... and confronted him. While I expected that to be the end of our marriage... it wasn't.

He had violated trust, he had crossed lines that I never thought he would've of... and he was on the verge of meeting these women in person. As far as I know, he never did meet anyone face to face...

What happened though was that we both had to take a real long look at our relationship, our love, our bond... and I had to decide if I was able to trust him again, forgive him and allow us to move on.

I can tell you that our marriage is very strong, our bond is very strong... and that my love was strong enough to see us through a very ugly time. Will I ever forget what he did? Probably not. I don't know that it is really a question of whether or not I forgave him... or if forgiveness is really an issue at all, atleast for me. It has changed the way I look at him, and the way I handle life. Everyday I worry less and less because he is taking the steps to regain and rebuild trust.

Why did he stray... I don't really know for sure. Do I completely blame him? It takes two people to make a marriage work.

I can say that I am thankful that just when I was ready to walk away I didn't. I stayed... and we worked it out.. and we continue to work it out.

Do I monitor the computers? Hell yes I do... but that is more because I am a born skeptic and less because of him.

Cheating can ruin a marriage if their is no honesty. But before you end your relationship because your significant other cheated, think about your relationship... whether or not you really love them... then make a decision. No one is perfect, we all stumble and fall at some point... if the other person is willing to face what they did and try to make amends... give them a chance.

This is betrayal. Life is too short not to be with someone you can trust.

I am in the process of a divorce with a cheater.  I started to suspect 1 year into our marriage (which I can tell you, I thought was the most wonderful, fulfilling, exciting, loving, romantic and satisfying relationship I had ever had).  I called him on certain behavoirs I had started to notice. I was accused of mistrust and because he knew a little about pyschology, he suggested I get counseling for it.  I did and through counseling found that I had natural mistrust issues and learn to back off on my instincts and handle them with forethought.  Turns out every instinct I had was right on.  He cheated on me for 2.5 years out of a 3 year marriage.  He also shared with my the HPV Virus (so not only did he hurt me emotionally...but he shared with me a disease for which I ended up having a surgery for).  That in it self was humiliating and I did not beleive the doctors when they said it was a sexually transmitted disease (I was in denial on how I got it...not now).When I found out it was after he planned marital trouble, arguments and finally physically assulted me so I would ask for a divorce so he could be with all the women he wanted...when he wanted( I found all this out on his laptop the night the police took him from my home).  This man is a business professional, is part of a very child friendly organization (Melha Shriners), and teaches DUI and drug/alchohol training.  By the way, he was sober 10 years and started to drink, which I learned the night he hit me.

Not all men go to this extreme, but once a cheater, always a cheater.  You can count on that.  It is too easy for men to stear the right course anymore, way too much opportunity.  If you think you caught all the sights he has been on with spyware, what makes you think he is not doing it at work on a different PC, or at the library or any local internet coffee shop.  Don't let your guard down for one second, don't!  I wish...just wish that I trusted my own instincts in the beginning, it would have saved me financially and emotionally!

I agree, a women need to begin to use their self esteem and not tolerate a cheater!  Marriage is a commitment of love and trust between two.  If one cheats, they have broken trust and promises.  It will never be the same...regardless of counseling!