Hi, my name is Chris (female).
I know no one here is a doctor and no one can diagnose me, but I desperately need some advice on what to do. I'd greatly appreciate it!
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (type 1, continuous rapid cycling, with mixed states) and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Lately I've been wondering if I have ADHD as well. I've done research to see if I have the symptoms, but I'm not sure which type of ADHD I would have IF I have it.
I've been wondering if I have ADHD because because for at least three weeks now I've been buying Adderall XR from a friend of mine with the intention of getting high from it. But instead of making me high, it's been helping me. (I nomrally take 30mgs a day, but have taken up to 120mgs a day.) Instead of getting me high, it's been making me calm, less restless, better able to concentrate and focus, less anxious and depressed and more motivated. This made me really wonder... I've done a lot of research and found that it has this effect on people with ADHD. Looking back, I can see that I have a lot of the symptoms of ADHD.
Before I started taking the Adderall XR, I paced back and forth in the hallway between classes to let out some of my "hyperness" or "nervous energy". A lot of the time I rocked back and forth in my seat, tapped my fingers on my desk, moved around, even climbed in and out of my seat for no reason. Most people don't think anything of this because either they're used to seeing me do it or they just think I'm a little hypomanic and blame it on my bipolar disorder. But I know it's not that.
And of course there's the focus and concentration problem. I can concentrate for a short period of time, but then I start to get anxious and look around or daydream. People always think I'm not listening to what they're saying to me when they're talking to me. My mind is somewhere else. It's very hard for me to focus on converstations, especially in groups or when someone's been talking for a long time to me.
I CONSTANTLY procrastinate and I hate myself for it. I never get anything done. I'm a very artistic/creativer person, but if you look around my bedroom, you'll notice at least 10 half done projects that I have no intention of finishing.
I really want to tell my psychiatrist (medicine doctor) that the Adderall XR has been HELPING me with all this. When I'm on it I don't pace, rock, tap my fingers, or bounce my legs. I'm MUCH calmer and more peaceful feeling. When I'm on the Adderall XR I'm much less anxious and depressed, I can focus better, I don't procrastinate, I can tolerate annoyances, I don't get angry as easily, and I'm actually motivated to do more.
But I'm worried if I tell my psychiatrist that I've been taking Adderall XR, I'll just get in trouble for buying it (and so will the person who's been selling it to me). IDK what to do because the Adderall XR is helping me so much and I don't want to have to stop it.
Do you think I might be ADHD? How can I tell my doctor all my concerns? Is there an ADHD medice that will help me, but won't make my bipolar symptoms worse? Is there anyone else I can talk to about this? Should I tell my parents first? What should I do?
I'm sorry this was so long. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS! Any advice would be helpful...
Thank you!
- Chris
