Our daughter is 21, lives at home, had a baby 7 weeks ago. No father in the picture. Our daughter says he would not pass a drug test. We (her parents) have bought and paid for everything for the baby. We did finally get her to sign up for Medicaid. She has severe panic attacks (real or fake-we’re not sure) and will not keep a job for more than three days. She is afraid she will have a heart attack or pass out while driving a car. She is violent with us, threatened to have her baby's daddy's drug friends to come to our home and hurt us. She lies, steals and is abusive. I (her mother) quit my job to help with the baby while she works and goes to school. Her father and I cannot get her to do anything. She refuses to work or go to school, and does just the minimum for the baby. She only wants to watch TV, lie in a filthy room and live off us.
I (her mother) took her to prenatal classes, paid for and set up the nursery and all of the other things needed, such as: Car seat, Bed, High Chair, Play Yard, Clothing, etc… We have helped her find several jobs. She quit 2 jobs in one week. Tried to get her to go to spiritual counseling. Would not go. We have several members of our church she has also displayed this behavior in front of and in fact she has threatened one young lady in particular for not reason because she likes our family. She did go to a doctor, was prescribed meds, but will not take them. I took her to our local home for Women with Children where she could live for up to 2 years. She would not go because they had "rules" she didn't like. Such as not eating in your bedroom, help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, working and learning ways to succeed in life. She wants to lie on the couch, smoke and yes she loves her baby somewhat. I quit my job to help her. I do not to lose my only grandson. What can I do?
We want her to be able to stay with us, but she must put a foot forward to help make this happen. What do we need to do????
Threatin to kick her out if she does not want to work and just lies around all day long take to tv away. Just buy what you need to buy and go and get custody of your Grandson.
Be honest and be true to yourself.
Hi,
I think you need to see a Social Worker at a DSHS close to where you live. Tell her the situation. Maybe she needs to be seen by a Psychiatrist and needs some Psychiatric meds. She is exhibiting postpartum psychosis.
If she is proved to be psychotic, you probably are going to take custody of your grandchild.
Thank you for your input. I want my daughter to get help, I never want to give up on anyone. I did call DSHS and was told they would make contact with her within four days. Say a little prayer for me because her and my grandson live in my house. She will not take the visit well.
NanaBunch, She may not take the visit well but that is for her own good, she will be given prompt treatment and may be treated faster and will be able to care for her child after she recovers. I'll be praying for you. I know that it hurts you to see this is happening to your daughter. You're such a caring mother. God Bless.
Hi perhaps if your doctor prescribed med's for your daughter she has a real problem. My father has depression, at times it's severe and needs medication. He however never know's that he need's to take the meds, it's my mother who watches and when he seem's down will spend the time to convince him it's time to see the doctor and see if the med's are needed. He never thinks he needs them. However, once he is convinced to take them he improves dramatically.
Maybe your doctor could become more involved? Could he recommend a councellor for your daughter to convince her to take the med's? It might be all that's holding her back from being a good and involved parent.
I take it that she's never violent towards her own child? That really would require involvement from an outside party no matter how much it might hurt your family.
I wish you and your family the best of luck with the future.
Yve.
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Hi Nana, My heart goes out to you during to terrible time..... My friend DB Lady kind of said it allwith the exception of this.........I am going to be frank, and in no way is it meant to hurt you or bad mouth you. You are an enabler. You are allowing this type of behavior to happen. Have you ever heard of Tuff-Love? One has to be very strong to do it but most of the time it works, in one way or the other. You need to tell her that she has 2 weeks to get a job, and keep it, or she will have to move out, that you are going to contact DECAF, Dept.of children and family services and tell them she is unfit, and you are throwing her out and keeping the child until she shows she can take care of herself, and the baby. You need to takes a very strong stand on this. Mean it, and follow through. In the short term it will hurt, and there will be bad blood but, in the long run, it will be what is best for all concerned........With respect and sincerity.....God Bless and keep you......George~
I used to think like you that the answer was to kick her out and keep my grand child. Easier said than done. I was just waiting for the professionals to agree with me. Child Protective Services came to my house today and said everything was fine because my house was beautiful, I was there to help...etc. My daughter came downstairs and the social worker told her that her "disease" (panic attacks) was very real and I needed to work with her on getting better. I said that was fine, but what about financial support, cleaning up, feeding the baby, and generally being an adult with responsibilities? I was VERY dissapointed in the worker they sent to my home. He said he would come by next week and "check" on us. That is Not what I expected to hear. He never mentioned she needed to take her meds, see a doctor or get a job!!!
CPS isn't concerned with YOUR problems. They are there to deal with children who are not taken care of. I know a family who right at this moment the mother is saying goodbye to her 3 month old son because she cannot take care of him (she is developmentally delayed). He will be in foster care with strangers. You are wasting the time of the worker who could be dealing with abused and neglected children. Is the child fed, clean, safe, healthy? If yes, then CPS will do nothing. Why should they? Honestly, you made a false report, the child is in no danger or being neglected at all. YOU have to deal with your daughter, no one is going to do it for you. Sorry to be harsh, but I work with families where I have begged CPS to come and take the child due to unsafe conditions, inadequate nutrition, etc. If the bare minimums of care are being met, then they cannot and will not do anything.
Kick her out. Plain and simple. Some people refuse to grow up because they are allowed to just skim through life on the bare minimum. She is 21 and has every tool available to her to get out and get a job and take care of her child but because she is allowed to stay at home without paying bills and has you taking care of the child, she will not have the motivation to do it on her own since she has you to do it.
Take the child and kick her out. Pack her things up and kick her out. If after 2 weeks she has no where to go Let her stay for a coupl of night with the bare necessities, aka only clothes. Pack all her things up and put em in storage.
She needs a serious wake up call.
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